Smiles, Tears, and Giggles.

Cherry Smiles, Vista Tears, and Friendship Giggles

2008-10-13T19:39:00.000-07:00

Candy. Candy. Candy.

God I love candy, If you're a dentist ------> FUCK OFF. I don't want to hear your bullshit about how bad candy is for your teef. It's a myth. We get it. Your just working for the government. Candy is probably considered a drug to them. It should be too. Dont you feel fuzzy and see flying elephants everywhere when you take a bite of a chocolate rabbit? I know I do. Lets not forget the erection even girls get when they combine nerds AND pop rocks. Out of this world.

I was never big into candy growing up. Probably because I was just too awesome at the time. I'm not really sure why I didn't like candy. I know when I was a fat fuck I LOVED candy. I bathed in candy, drank candy, and even dated candy. Don't ask, I was fat. I needed some company one night. Her name was ruth. Now I love candy, I can't get enough of it. The sweet taste of chocolate drizzling down my chest... MMM.. Oh wait... Fuck... I mean, down my throat. MMM. Chocolate is probably my favorite type of sweets, besides my body. I'm pretty sure this halloween I'm going to knock some kids the fuck out! They shouldn't even have candy, its bad for their teef right? Right. So I should have it instead and take adorable pictures of myself swimming in it. Perfect plan.

Speaking of fat. I want a fat girlfriend. My bff PROVED to me that a fat chick would be the perfect girlfriend. My heart sank with every logical explanation coming out of her mouth... awww... It was magical. First, you would never have to pay for dinner. She would obviously eat more than you so it would only be rude for her not to pay. When I get an eggroll and she gets the whole fucking chicken truck, that really pisses me off. I'm not paying for her fatness. Thats honestly all I'm paying for. To support her fat ass. Gas prices too expensive for you? Fuck it! Date a fat chick! Need to run to the store real quick? Flip that ho on her side and start rolling. Downhill prefered but with all her fat rolls I'm sure it just acts like a tank track. Problem solved!

I know... fat chicks have feelings too... I should be nice to them, afterall they ARE humans just like me. I know its hard to see through all that fat and hair but they really are human. Still, its pretty easy to seem "effectionate" towards a fat fuck. All you do is just offer them cake, or give them a bite of your candy bar. Problem solved. Another problem would be sex. But GUYS!!! Listen, just dont have sex them them. Problem solved! go bone their hot sister, or your co worker. your fat girlfriend wont care because they know they suck at life and dont deserve someone like you. ITS A WIN WIN GUYS!!! You get everything. I could go on, but the internet has a weight limit. Just saying the word "fat" adds 100 gigs to the internet harddrive located in Britney spear's vagina.

Cute Smiles, Wasted Tears, and Shark Giggles

2008-10-11T16:14:00.000-07:00

LOL

I didn't know my blog could bring hate on someone. I never would have guessed I was offensive and capable of causing such strong emotions. However, this wont stop me. Now I know my powers and I'm only going to get better, stronger, and faster. Soon I'll make fat chicks cry across the nation! I CAN'T WAIT. jk, they have enough to deal with. You know.. being fat and all.. I find out some awesome news today by a good friend of mine and I just have to thank him for keeping me posted. To think, I, Joshua, adorable face.. could effect someone with his writings? As a writer, that is still a noob I take this as a complete compliment. Even though it pissed someone off, it's still pretty awesome. So yeah, fuck my blog.

DINOSAURS

Dinosaurs are some serious fucks sometimes. Just the other day I was walking and minding my own business and this FUCK came out of no where. He was obviously on some sort of drug and high as pee. Yes, pee. He mumbled something of the lines of dkeo, efiei eieid eiepakk seaoadlw ekdncl jewkdje. Which I just figured he wanted my body and was complimenting me. He was about 80, which is old. So I didn't take his assumed offer. I'm not a whore afterall. He got closer to me and went to touch me. NO OLD PERSON/DINOSAUR/WRINKLE DICK IS GOING TO TOUCH MY PERFECT SKIN. Nope. Never. So I matrixed his ass and dodged like a true Night Elf Rogue. I then became really scared, like 13 year old girls feel when they meet "Tom" from myspace in the walmart parking lot.. Yeah, I turned around and headed towards a group of people. I figured if he was going to rape me I should at least put on a show for the others around. I know, I'm a sweetie.

ATTRACTIVE CLONES

So I can't decide on names for my future children. It has to be epic and badass. Because, well.. I'm epic and badass. Josh just doesn't fit me though. I need something like "MISSLELAUNCHER". Something like that is SO epic and badass. However, I couldn't name my child that. That would just be another reason for someone to put him in their trunk... :( What about "ULTIMATE". That's a start. I just can't find something that will suite him/her well. I can't just pick a name out of a hat. Fuck that. Really, fuck a hat. See, I'm going to marry the most gorgeous girl on the planet. I wont even let love cloud my judgement either. I know this will happen because when she sees me, she will want me. SHE will want to hang with me, SHE will lust over me. I WONT EVEN DO ANYTHING. That's how freakin awesome I am. So when we have babies we will know they will be adorable. I'm carrying some strong and beautiful sperm and she has the cuties and most hardcore eggs you could think of. So I KNOW my babies will be awesome. Has to suck for fuglies :(

ITCH

I've decided I need to lay low for awhile. My attraction is just too much for this world. I'm starting to hate myself. With these powers (ultimate beauty) I HATE how I make everyone near me jealous. It's a hard life being adorable. I can't help it though, I'm not even trying. If I tried I'm pretty sure that would equal a nuclear explosion. So I dont, because I respect others around me. Even though I make them hate themselves :( I'm really sorry guys and girls. I can't help it :( Stop emailing me for tips. I was dipped in icecream and slushie when I was inside my mother.

lol Smiles, Onion Tears, and Paint Giggles

2008-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Vulgar kthx.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV24FN4rDzE

Watch this video, the guy with long hair is SO dreamy. He was actually my cherry popper when realizing I can point out guy's attractiveness. Because I had to. His eyes, his smile, his voice.. I could eat him up! -_- 00:42-00:55 for example. Amazing. I'd hit it, if I was into that kind of stuff. BUT IM NOT! 1:29-1:50 he is also an angel. Oh, and pause it at 1:38... oh man, OH MAN!!!! Stunning. Anyways...

I'm fucking heated. I'm getting tired of having to explain myself to everyone. Really, it's annoying as FUCK. I want to go strangle a tiny homeless walrus right now. Those fucks piss me off too. All they do is sit on ice and chill. Literally. They CHILL all day. It's bullshit, I want to chill all day but I CANT. I'm too busy being attractive, and being attracted to both sexes. Yeah I said it. No, I'm not gay assholes.

I'll try and explain for you cock hats. If I see a guy that's attractive, I WILL point it out. This doesn't mean I want to go down on him, or let him polish my bat. No, that's gross. I don't even like the penis. I like mine because, well.. It's my penis. I give gifts to my penis, I massage my penis, and I even talk to my penis. So what? It's my penis. It's different when it comes to another guy's penis though. Do you really think I want to talk to some doods penis over mine? FUCK no. If I'm going to talk to a penis, I'm going to talk to MY penis. Probably because its a better penis than any penis out there. Know why? Becuase its connected to my body.

See? I don't even want to be around another penis that isn't mine. I'm thankful enough I get to see mine every morning. You would feel the same if you had my penis. Don't take that the wrong way you fuck, its mine and noone else but my future girlfriend will see/touch/dance with it. Sorry. So when I admit that a guy is attracted I'm just stating the truth. If a guy is physically attractive. Why wouldn't I point it out? That would just be rude. But for some of you fucks you think that makes me gay. Fuck you. Ef your shit hard.

You see, I love women. I think they're the greatest creation on this planet besides myself. I also like what women have. I wont get into details. I know kids read this so I'll just say it starts with a B and ends with ies. Actually kids dont read this, at least I hope not. I curse, and talk about things kids really shouldn't be hearing. So I'll just say it. B..abies! I love babies, and women can make babies. Babies rock, their like tiny drunk people. They're cute too! Like me!!!!

I made a chart to help illistrate what I'm talking about. Basically a guy can be attracted to women and men. Just the level of attraction is much higher towards women then men as you can see. Actually my attraction towards women (not fat chicks however) is infiniti. Compared to men, which just kind of goes in a circle below my erection line. You can also see by the chart that Palin is just an awkward ho. However, she does recieve an erection. Lucky her! So you see, I'm not attracted to men... If I were, it would be above the ERECTION LINE!! CANT YOU SEE?!??!?! PROOF RIGHT THERE IM AS STRAIGHT AS ANY OTHER STRAIGHT GUY.

Connect the dots bitch!

Anyways, really. Honestly. Seriously. I'm a cutie. You viewers cant even argue this with me because I know whats true. Please, email me with logic and examples of how I'm not attractive.... Oh wait you can't because I'm THE attractive. Yes, "the attractive" you fuck cock.

See? YOU SEE THAT? FUCK! I KNOW! Even on my cellphone I look freaking incredible. Usually cellphones make people look all pixel-y and gross. Not I! I make pixels look like a mother fucking LCD! Yeah, I win.

Volleyball Smiles, Young Tears, and Oh Man Giggles

2008-10-06T16:53:00.001-07:00

SO TRUE

Also note, paragraph markers aren't working.. sorry...

Good god, I want to get all political but at the same time I dont. This isn't politics anymore. I don't understand why even one person wants to vote for a McLame-Palin Ticket.

I'm going to talk about Palin only here. McLame WILL be dying of old age if he gets into office so it really wont matter. I'm wasting negative insults on someone who wont even be President for more than a week. So palin, I hope you're ready for this dump truck full of FU. I'm driving, and I have a full tank of gas bitch!

Did you know Palin is a female? YEAH I KNOW WHO KNEWW??? She can make babies. She can produce very gross milk. She can play in the WNBA. She doesn't have a penis! ITS CRAZY I'M JUST NOW FIGURING THIS OUT RIGHT? I say this because everyone I talk to, or hear on TV always points this out. No shit? Did those people on TV go to college just so they could point out the obvious? When I see someone bleeding on the streets (happens alot), do I ask them if they're bleeding or tell my friend that guys bleeding? No. I don't. I run away. I run like I have never ran before. I cant get involved in another stabbing. I said it was self defense but I don't know if the judge really believed me.... Well this IS NOT the point.

A few days ago I was asked "So what do you not like about Palin?". I said, "Because she's a woman". hahaha It was SO good. You should have been there, the guy was like "you're a sexist!111!!!"... I told him why Palin is such a retard and why she can't be our VP. That reason would be her kids duh! She needs to take care of her little ones! She is a mother don'cha know! She has a family to raise! Obviously she fails at that seeing as her whore daughter is now a prego. Which btw is HOT. I wont get into that though....She just wont be able to manage her time. Being a mother of a family of whores is VERY difficult! How can she teach them the ways of the whore if she's busy with the nations problems?? THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE LITTLE ONE!!!11!1!

Lets not forget she just loves killing animals. I'm calling PETA! You're going to get in trouble Palin! Oh, YOU wait! Trophy hunter is pretty hardcore, I wont lie. Having an endangered seal head on my wall would be SO sweet. Or just the feeling of killing one. That would make me so powerful and popular! BUT WAIT!! Palin will be VP soon! Then she will have to quit being a trophy hunter!! Being a fellow trophy hunter she can't just quit. She said she would never quit. Actually you cant. The association that supports trophy hunters takes your soul when you join. You sign in your own blood too. She can't just do both trophy hunting and being the VP equally well. Shes a woman! oh snap lol

I watched the dumb debates. Biden destroyed her. Basically he gave statistics on whatever he was talking about and then Palin just agreed or repeated what he said and concluded the opposite. She just isn't smart. She is still trying to connect with the voters so to speak. Every chance she gets she talks about hockey, or how she is one of us. She's balls deep in trying to relate to us. EF. I don't want someone like me being the prezzy. I really dont. I want someone that knows wtf he's doing and can get the job done. Palin, go govern the 47th smallest populated state and say thats experience. Oh wait, you already have :( :(

I dont even really like politics anymore. So many people feel so strongly about what they believe in and refuse to change their fews. Which is fine I guess, If everyone just agreed with each other nothing good would get done. At the same time political debates solve nothing. Political conversations on TV doesn't change anything. It's just a battle that can't be won. So thats why I don't really get "into" it as much as other people do. I just state why Palin is a woman and McLame is old. I think I do a good job of that.

Rain Smiles, Sand Tears, and Blue Giggles

2008-10-06T14:59:00.001-07:00

I'm going to generalize and stereotype like the biznatch that I am. I'm just warning you. So dont email me, or message me I'm generalizing or stereotyping and that I'm stupid. Because I know I am, and I'm proud of it. So stfu.

I love college kids who have NO clue what's going on. What I mean is, I do. I know what life is about and if you want to debate with me I'll just punch you in the face with logic and soberness. Really, I know everything, how to act, what to believe in, and whats right and wrong. However, I'm not God. That wouldn't be fair to God now would it?

College kids I'm referring to are basically the drunks. The guys who dress up as undercover douche bags and go to parties to get drunk. That IS their goal. Not to have fun, not to meet a girl (which WILL happen because those girls there will always put out..), they go to get drunk. First off, why the FUCK would someone want to get drunk? Really? I have no idea. Being drunk, unable to move half of your body, slurred speech, no way in hell of getting an erection, and blurred vision.. Those are no reasons to get drunk, yet so many college kids do it. Its because they want attention. They want their friends to text/call them in the morning and say, "omg dude you were SOO wasted, I put my penis in your mouth and you didn't do a thing heheheh". Yes, they're all gay flaming homosexuals too. I love gays, I'm not gay but I support their opinion.

I have alot of friends that end up in this desire to get drunk stage of their lives and it just makes zero sense. Actually I dont. I'm not one to become friends with that...type of human species. I'm not a moron. Anyways..For the girls that read this and are clueless. Guys like this are only there at parties because they want an easy fuck. I'm sorry, they aren't there to just hang out because they're your long time friend. No. Fuck that. They want to jump on top of you when you both are drunk then in the morning tell all their friends. Its just a way of life for douche bags, thankfully girls are just as much the problem as the guys.

Girls... I'm not a girl (I had no idea until this morning) so I can only go by word of mouth and observations of society. I'm awesome at everything I do so listen up. I'm going to be right about everything, screw you.

The girls who dress up to go on a Thursday/Friday/Saturday night. Lets add Sundays too, and the other days because well, thats how you ho's roll! ANY NIGHT IS A PARTY NIGHT TEHE. F you. When I say dress up, I don't mean modest dress or T-shirt to feel comfortable in. I'm talking HOOKER clothings made by other hookers. The super low cut tops, plus the low cut dress so your clam is showing REALLY makes you look like a good human being. No, it doesn't. Yeah, you fail. I was at the gas station getting a drink and behind my friend and I were some girls that fit this catagory of slut perfectly. Girls, you would think if you put on those whore outfits guys would look at you. Well you're wrong. I couldn't look at you in fear of catching an STD. Do you know what guys WILL look at you and probably complement you? Douchebags, and your description of "assholes" or "jerks". Yeah, you put that shit on yourself girls... sorry.

Why do girls go to parties? I don't know. Unless they really are that big of a whore and they ALSO want to have sex with a stranger, or long time class friend. That really makes you look good. I lied, it makes you look like a SLUT. The guy too, don't think I'm pulling a double standard. Boys are just as a slut than you're. Just you girls get called it more, oh snap lol. Basically, if you go to a "frat" party, a friends party with lots and lots of alcohol your a douche bag, or a failure with a vagina. This is nothing new, everyone knows this but those people. Its awesome. They probably come up with reasons to make themselves feel better. I love life.

I should note I'm talking about every week addicts. Not like once in a while "curious" party goers.

I guess that brings me to greek life. WTF is it for? A sense of belonging? F that. I can belong elsewhere with my ....friends! They dont charge me fees, make me go to meetings, and host dances that are probably douche bag heaven. This is a sorority point of view though, as I dated someone that was in one so I know a bit about it. As far as the frat side goes, they just want to drink and live the "frat guy" life. Which from movies they have found to be "awesome". Which in reality makes them an even bigger douche bag. A greek one! They say they're there for the academics and all that shit. BS. Its all about the parties, stfu.

The dry frat/sororities I respect. They are honest to their word and DO focus on academics. I'd love to be in one. THATS true friendship, a brotherhood, a sisterhood... A true friendship, or relationship with alcohol and fakeness is pointless. Haven't you kids watched Dr.Phil before? UGH!

This type of college scene is bullshit. College isn't about getting drunk and being with your brothers or sisters (greek). Its about academics and learning. It is a SCHOOL after all. Its about learning who you are, and what you want to be in your life. I guess if you REALLY want to be someone that must count on a drug to be happy thats up to you... Yeah, that has to suck. It actually makes you a failure at life. Yes. I have the right to say that, because I'm a winnar. I'm not a failure. I'm not against drinking either, I had a few beers the other night... I just dont let a drug control my happiness. I have had a freakin blast banging hookers, and stealing from banks SOBER. Its much more enjoyable when I can remember what I did!

fapfapfap

Cute Smiles, Baby Tears, and Transexual Giggles

2008-09-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

Freakin A kids, what a weekend. Shiiiit, what a Saturday! I went to this place called "celebration city" for my mothers hospital picnic. Basically it's a once a year get together of all the families of the employees at this amusement park. Yes, there were LOTS of fat people and crying babies. How did you guess?!?!

Its in Branson, MO. Horrible city if you aren't from Missouri and don't know of it. Lots of people know about Branson and think its a wonderful place to go. Usually just old people think that way. Its actually really lame shit. Yes, lame shit. Shit could be freaking awesome, but in this case its lame. Reason why I call it lame shit. Anyways, Celebration City confuses the fuck out of me. What the FUCK are they celebrating? THEY DONT SAY!

It pisses me off. The whole time I was there I was looking for signs that said what they were celebrating. Someones death? Someones life? A war? Virginity? Sex of the beach? Seriously, the possibilities are endless. I had no idea and there were no signs anywhere to tell me. Could have been animal sex? Maybe, I mean I usually look away when I see dogs "playing catch". It's just not polite for me to look while they "dig for gold". I know if I was playing "bedtime tag" I wouldn't want people watching. It would ruin everything for me. My mojo would become NOjo... So I TOTALLY understand if a park would want to celebrate such a beautiful act of nature. Probably because everyone looks away and doesn't get a chance to see dogs visiting the "envelope of love"...

It could also be celebrating old people failing at life. I'm about to give up on those old fucks of fun. Mostly because 90% of them hate life and care about noone but themselves. I say this because some old people ROCK. Holy shit do they rock the house. For example, my grandparents are incredible. For one, my grandma makes me the greatest potatoes that she mashes. This forms a new dish called mashed potatoes. They taste so freakin good. Its like mashed orgasms in your mouth. Talk about a good time. I love mashed potatoes. Lets not forget my grandpa. That nuckle head makes fun of everyone just like me. Only he's REALLY vulgar (more vulgar than me..) and for some reason blames almost everything on the mexicans. Which is typical for old people now adays so I still can't officially call him a racist. He's better than that. He blames hitting his toe on the corner of the bathroom sink on Mexicans. Poor mexican people. Always getting blamed for things they didn't do. Sadface.

This isn't the case for the other 90% of old people in this world. FREAKING A THEY ANGRY ME. Yes, angry me. ANGRY. Old people driving is pointless. I could walk, or dry hump the road faster than they drive that huge tank of a car they own. Yes, I can dry hump like a BEAST. Probably as fast as a bear. I'm attending the olympics in 2012. I also dislike them in line to everything. Walmart, gas stations, rides at a theme park, strip clubs, doctors offices, death (OH SNAP, TAKE THAT OLD PEOPLE LOL /hell). Lets not forget when they eat. Especially at buffets. It's so annoying. You get all five senses involved when sitting beside, next to, across, or behind old people eating. It's so gross. First you hear them smack like Paris Hiltons ass on the Dallas Cowboys lockers, then you turn and see the destruction being done. Its like their teef is a blender of fuck that destroy everything in its path. After that you taste it. Yes, you taste it. Usually you dont notice but when you do.... I'm sorry for you. It's a horrible taste. It's like the taste of dirt and lettuce with a touch of fuck. By now your like "WTF MATE" so what I do is punch them in the face. Which is the next sense, touch. Punching old people is a huge stress reliever. Works for me, I'm never stressed. Finally we have smell. Holy god, I dont think they swallow. Ever. So food just stays in their mouths forever and ever ever. Its so gross. When you can smell what the person beside, behind, or across from you is eating you know its a sign they're old. I dont mean good smell of yummy. I'm talking about puke, dirty, salty smells that makes your back pop. It's horrible.

That was a long tangent. Well about the old people being in lines. They're so freakin old and cry basically. They complain and never stfu. I mean, yeah they're dying at a fairly quick rate but that doesn't mean they have to make MY life a nightmare. F them.

So there are alot of old people that fail at being old. Thats why I think "celebration city" is celebrating old people sucking at there job. Which is to prolong their death amirite???

While I was there I road my first rollercoaster/crazy fast swing thing that goes really high and then goes the other way destroying your hair. Whatever those are called... Anyways, yeah I spent the first nineteen years of my life being a big ol' lame ass. I couldn't get myself to ride anything that went over 10 mph. Little girls could have punched me in the face all those years. I deserved it. Mostly because I was missing out! Oh snap was I missing out. The rush of your stomach going out your ass will blow your mind. Maybe not out your ass, but it went somewhere thats for sure. It was incredible. I was told I made some pretty funny facial expressions which I would have to agree with. Being on some of those rides for the first time was comparable to experiencing every childhood christmas morning all at once...naked. YEAH, I KNOW. Incredible. Heck yes my face would express pure enjoyment. I couldn't hide the feeling of being naked.

Ahhh, what a great weekend. I also saw like 50 little kids I wanted to take home and call mine. They were so freakin cute. Wait, does that sound weird? Yeah I think it does. especially on the internet, on a 19 year old guys blog. Which by the way is freakin HOT/adorable/cute/naked. I should explain. I don't want to take these kids home and have my way with them. I'm not the icecream truck driver... I just mean some kids are just adorable and...well they're adorable, what more can I say? I can say that and not be classified as a pedo right?

Shit, doorbell. brb.

Damn, I guess I have to gtfo. The FBI is here and they need to ask me a few questions.

Jk

Radio Smiles, Flood Tears, and Brownie Giggles

2008-09-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Ever just wanted to fuck something really bad?

I do. Do you know what it is? ME.

You bet your sweet little ass I'm being cocky right now. If you have a problem with it you know the drill. GTFO.

Yeah, I'm making a name for myself. I recently had an epiphemy and it's changed me. For one, I think better about myself as a person. Probably because I'm the coolsome person in the world. See what I did there? I combined cool and awesome to form coolsome. I'm just that good. I'm not even making this up. I was walking down the street and an old lady DIED right infront of me. I'm sure she was thinking, "Holy fuck, I would strip that kid so fast with my teef." That would blow ANYONES mind regardless of age. Her death could have also been caused by the bus that hit her grandchild right infront of her. Then she started screaming, "OMG sadface I'm having a heartattack". We all know that translates to, "I want your body Josh". Right? Right.

I also have been swimming for awhile now and talk about a babe magnet. As soon as I open the doors from the lockers I hear my name being shouted. Like I'm some star (because I'm a star). It feels incredible. Then in slow motion I dive into the lap lane and rage laps like no other. I can't hear much but I'll just assume the girls are talking about how well I move my body. I hear chanting from time to time too. Again, I can't hear much because water is hitting my anvil and making it difficult for my ear drum to recieve sound via sound waves. Still, I KNOW what they're thinking, and it makes me happy I have fans. Yeah, I swim in a rehabilitation pool so everyone there besides me are either really old, super super fat, or mentally challenged :(

Last week I was taking a shower like normal and discovered something. I'm a BOY! ok no... I discovered my body. After the silky, white shampoo dripped past my chest and I was super clean I got out to dry off and couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. Well, long story short I was late to class. Three hours late. It was like a car accident only it was beautiful, like a rainbow. I had to look. I couldn't help myself. I'm going to have to start wearing ancient war bindings to keep my clothes on. Ladies be careful, if you undress me too quickly you WILL die. Ever hear about death by orgasm? Yeah. Only for me, it would be multiple orgasms that wouldn't stop until you had no strength left in your body. Then your heart would explode into millions of happy faces. After that your lungs would thrust past your ribs and turn into beautiful angel wings and you would fly to heaven. True story.

Did you know our economy fundamentals are strong?...........................................

LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

That's fucking funny.

Fuck you McCain, you're an idiot. Really, go fuck a firetruck ladder. Ask for them to extend it 50 feet past your huge anus of a face. That would make me feel better. When will you learn McCain? You're an idiot. Just stop wanting to be the prez. I don't care if you were a POW, you put yourself in that situation. Don't cry to me about it or the media and want sympothy. The only sympothy you will get from me is a nice slap in the face via my fiery dick. I really could care less about your past McCain. Please, go ahead and stick to your word that the fundamentals of our economy are strong. While making a new definition of fundamentals regarding the economy.. Yeah, really smooth fuck nut. The american worker? Are you serious? You could have said, "I'm a giant moron, my bad". After your speech and everyone would have understood. Because... How do I put this... Oh, you're a giant moron.

I went to a open house thing to meet my little brothers teacher and a possible future girlfriend. He's in the 5th grade. I gave a few girls my number but they don't have cellphones yet. Whatever. I realized something while I was there though. WHORES WHORES WHORES. I wanted to go up to some of the parents of future whores and tell them just that.

"You're daughter is going to be a whore in high school, most likely start smoking to try and 'fit in' with her friends. Which will then lead to weed. Becuase we all know weed makes you cool. After that she will advance, or Devance(?) to alchohol. You know, the lame ass high school parties with underage everything, including penis sizes. She will then bang, or blow every guy she sees from that point on. If you in anyway brought this up she would blame it all on you. Which we all know isn't your fault. Your daughters are whore, there's nothing you guys could do about it."

I wont even get into what will come of her in college. They're fucked by then. Frat boys? OMGWTFBBQSAUCEFUCKDAMN ORGY FOR THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE. I bet little Sally can't wait for that.

Talk about starting young... I seriously had to close my eyes the whole time in fear of me going to jail. I can see parents in this generation are going to FUCK life up. "Mom, can I wear this very revealing outfit? All the other girls are. I want to fit in sadface". "Of course dear, I used to wear stuff like that all the time! tehehe!". Fuck you. I GLANCED over at this girl and I felt my soul burning inside me. What if I looked at her for over a second? I couldn't imagine it.

As some of you kids know, especially the pedo's, I'm only 19. I don't really enjoy these years. 18-22 years that is. MAYBE more, but hopefully everyone around me have grown the fuck up by then. I guess it varies for some. I just want to fall asleep and wake up in five years. The whole college "scene" is just fake as hell and boring as fuck. Maybe if I was 21 and was able to have a few drinks with my close friends it would be some what better. But the whole "HEY JOSH I DRANK SOOO MUCH LAST NIGHT LOL IM SO STUPID HEHEHE" Is getting old. McCain old.

I really want to upload a picture of my face... I'm just too lazy right now to get up and connect my camera to my laptop. Damn. Sorry.

I have to go. I'm hungry. Hungry for LOOOOOVE. rofl no.

Happy Smiles, Retard Tears, and Relativism Giggles

2008-09-10T10:22:00.000-07:00

I hate fat people. Good god how do I hate fat people. If you're fat and reading this I want you to do something for me. Stop reading my blog. This is for skinny people who aren't fat, because they're skinny. Get it? I'd also like you to walk and turn on the light in your room, clean your room because I know since you're fat it's gross and dirty, then I want you to go in your kitchen and throw away all your junk food, well just throw it all away. Now I know what you're going to do. You're going to be a fat fuck and roll your computer chair over to your light. You might even clean your room while still in your chair, because you're so freakin fat. That's not how it works here fatty. Get your ass(es) out of that chair and get up. Do what normal people do and "walk" to your destination. Don't pull a segway on me.

In all honesty fat people annoy the fuck out of me. They're all lazy as fuck, most smell, and most importantly they're all stupid. I say stupid because, no matter how book smart a fat person is. They're still fat. Getting fat is really hard to do. You have to WORK for it to get fat. Which also brings me to my next argument. Being fat is a choice. Being black, or mexican, or another race ISNT a choice. Therefore I'm not a racist. I am a fatist though. I'm basically calling fat people failures at life, because being fat is THEIR choice and obesity leads to diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure just to name a few horrible LIFE threatening diseases/conditions. If you had to PICK between that or living a healthy life what would you pick? I would pick a healthy life because I'm skinny and I'm not a fat fuck. See what I'm saying? I'm sure obesity will be a leading cause of aids here shortly. Give it a few years!!!!!

Fat people are rude. Do you know why? Becuase they're fat. That's why. Nothing more. They KNOW they're fat and it destroys them, so they're rude as fuck towards everyone because they're in a piss of a mood. When I have to walk on the road just to pass a wobbling walrus infront of me so I can go more than 2 miles an hour to my next class is rude. What if a car hit my ass? What if there wasn't a side walk and I just had to stay behind the ho the whole time? We all know that would just make me late to my class. Way to go bitch. Now YOUR shit is effecting me. Rude. What about the smell? Physically, it's probably impossible for fat people to wash EVERYWHERE, unlike skinny people. I doubt they can even see half their body. So ultimately they will smell, because the proper hygiene recommended for adults isn't being met. Why must I hold my nose in the hallways? Hallways should be full of joy and happiness. Not sadfaces and the urge to kill ones self.

Fat people are selfish. They had the option to stay skinny along time ago. Don't pull that "it's biological" bullshit on me. Hey, guess what? My fist in your face(s) is biological too. Yeah, stfu. There isn't a "fat gene". Die in a fire if you believe there is. You're just making the situation even more horrible. With that being said they decided at a young age, or maybe even years ago that "hey, I'm going to eat all I want and let the hungry stay hungry. They don't NEED food". Yes I just blamed fat people for hunger in the world. It really is their fault. If they were skinny one or even half a sandwich would fill them up. Since they're fat 2, 3, maybe even 5 sandwiches are now required for one person to be full. WTF. That's 2+ little kids that aren't eating tonight because of your fat ass. Do you feel good about yourself Ms. Rhino? That answer better be fuck no, because this is your fault. Not that countries economy, or society in general. It's YOUR fault. Do it, jump off a bridge and see how big your splat is. I dare you.

Fat people are ugly. Email me a picture of a fat attractive person. Please, I have yet to see anything that comes close to 1 on the attractive scale. The 1-million scale that is. When you get fat you get ugly. It's like when you're a boy and you grow, your balls drop. It WILL happen. You can't do anything about it once its been done. Well, I take that back. Fat people CAN do something about it and thats what pisses me off even more. I have lost 95 pounds and I'm no longer "fat". I have the right to tell other fat people they're doing it wrong. It being life. People say dieting is hard, well fuck you. It's not. You have to have the drive for a diet to be successful. You have to actually put...effort in what you're doing. I know, that's hard isn't it chunky charlie? It will be ok, go to your fat parents and have them make you a big ol' grilled cheese sammich. That will make your fat ass feel better. Don't worry, Mcdonalds is open 24/7 now. When one gets fat they start to get lazy and un motivated in everything BUT eating and staying fat. So when the only way to shed those pounds is to become un-lazy and motivated it's just too hard for them. Sucks for you guys.

The reason I'm ranting about fat people is because this fat ho yesterday Smelled, was rude, and made me late to my class. I then had a dream about her that night which was very sexual and awkward. I promise I didn't want to. I'll never forgive myself for what happened in that dream. Donuts, dildos and diapers. GOD HELP ME. So for that FAT fuck to come into MY dream and ruin my morning was the last straw. Fuck you lady, fuck you.

Fun Dip Smiles, PJ Tears, and Trustful Giggles

2008-09-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Well I will say this now. This blog is about to get VULGAR as FUCK. I'm serious, I'm not holding back on this one. I'm serious fuckers. If you don't like un-needed curse words GET THE FUCK OUT. Yes, you. See that X on the top right hand corner of this window? Click it bitch, I dare you.

It's been a long week. A long three days. I feel like I was emotionally fucked or something. I just need to relax. So I'm serving your ass. TONIGHT. What will I be serving you? You guessed it! PALIN! With a pinch of salt, and a side salad of fuck.

So I started watching the big news channels at around noon today. All but shit hole fox news. All I could do was hit my head on the coffee table when hearing about Palin, and the republican bullshit. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a demo by all means. I just call out bullshit, and fuck tards. It's not my fault the republicans are being fuck tards that shit bull right now. While I was watching the news and smashing my head on the coffee table I couldn't help but think about something else. I would be so much happier if that coffee table was an electric shark spike table of FUCK that punches you in the kidneys and balls over and over again just to distract me from what I was watching. I guess we don't always get what we want :(

What really pisses me off about this whole Palin thing is because she's a woman. Yeah I said it bitch, she's a ho. For sho. I'm not degrading to woman but the fact that she's a woman makes other people say stupid shit and ask stupid questions and wonder about dumbass things that shouldn't matter in a presidential election. Seriously, who the FUCK gives a shit if she has five kids, married her high school fuck mate, and one of her kids is a downy? I sure don't give a fuck about that. Maybe if she was my teacher, or baby sitter, but my VP? Fuck off. That shit doesn't matter but other american woman (and homosexual men) are eatting this shit UP like it's beef jerky made from Tyra Banks ass cheeks. STUPID ass woman (and homosexual men) are being retarded and actually caring about the bullshit like this. THAT'S what pisses me the fuck off, because those are the people who will be canceling out my vote come election time. Die in a fire of fuck stupid american woman (and homosexual men)! Don't go Oprah on my ass and say I hate woman, I don't. They have... special parts I don't have but enjoy. It's just those fuck heads I dislike. Some of the people talking about Palin and other stuff all I could say was "shut the fuck up". Because them talking on the news, through my cable company, to my cable box, and out my shitty TV's speakers into my ears only makes me want to kill something. The vomit coming out of these people's mouths was getting EVERYWHERE. Personally, I think those type of people are rude. They should be hung.

In her speech she talked alot about being a woman. Thanks bitch, I didn't notice. Not from your facial features, boobs, ass, hair style, or voice. I had no idea! I thought you were a man this hole time. Holy fuck, THANK YOU Palin for correcting me. I owe you one.... Actually that's all I got out of that speech because by that point I was trying to find poison, expired food, or acid. Basically anything to fuck me up so I didn't have to listen to her talk. I know at the RNC it's more of getting to know who the fuck the retards are going to be voting for. Honestly, I don't want to know about nominee's sex life, or person life. I'd rather they be robots. Robots don't have any family, and they don't have sex. FUCK humans.

I hate how she sort of pointed out her baby, or her daughters baby, or who evers fucking baby it is has the downy downs. Thanks? Thanks for being an attention whore. When I have to itch my balls, do I tell everyone I see? Do I hint that the sensation between my legs is destroying my focus on your breasts? No, I don't. I keep that shit to myself. Did Palin consider everyone in the fucking world, and xenu included know about her downy baby? That shit is OLD news by now. All the news groups have been raping that topic and only a blind, one legged, one eyed man doesn't know about it. Thanks Palin for letting us know! That really shows how well you are with the people of America. It's not like you're one rank down from leading the people of America or anything.... Thank god... Oh wait... Fuck me.

I guess I should take it back a week. When I found out McLame fuck picked Palin I was like "Well that's a smart choice I guess. It's a woman. That's all the McLame team is going for here. They just want the Clinton vote, and sympothy maybe". That's what I thought. Because at the time I figured if he tries and connects with woman and gets that edge Obama has (the race card) he MIGHT have a chance. That's in a perfect world though, which this world isn't perfect lol owned. Anyways, the last few days I realized this is one of the dumbest political choices I have ever heard. Holy fuck you're a stupid fuck McCain. JESUS FUCK MAN. Seriously, I'll be blunt and honest. You're an old fuck dude. When the chance of you dying while in office is fairly high, you need to consider this bullshit. I know its depressing and sad or whatever because you're talking about death but shut the fuck up and man up and do the right thing. If you die, what do the american people do? Good game bitch, the new Pres is now a 44 year old governer from fuck middle of no where, Alaska that has hardly any experience on basically every responsibility the presidant has. GREAT THINKING McLame. You rock. Guess what though? SHE HAS A DOWNS BABY! THAT WILL SAVE US. Lets take that cutie to all the UN meetings, and Iran and see what happens. Maybe they will start to cry and give up and give in to the "american way". Yeah, fuck you McLame. Fuck you in your ear with a blinder that recently blinded a dead bird with AIDS.

Seriously, what the fuck is politics about now adays? I wish I worked for MSNBC or CNN, or the disney channel so I could further spread my words of wisdom. Why have we, as people come to these stupid ass political shananagens? It's bullshit really. A two party system is fuck anyways too. I won't get into that tonight though. FUCK. We, as people are FUCKED in this world. Whatever, I ran out of fundip and I'm now tired. Later bitches.

Job Smiles, Apartment Tears, and Girlfriend Giggles

2008-08-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

YESSSS It's been like three months. I do that alot dont I? I have a good two-three weeks then BAM, nothing. TOTALLY ruins your erection doesn't it? I bet.

I have absolutely nothing to talk about. I usually click on my little "blog" link when I have something to talk about but tonight I don't. I just need to write something to update this sucker. Three weeks and no blog? F me. F me.

Hmmm

Well I started swimming. Not like with toys and in circles. Laps. That's right! I'm going to be an olympic star like that one guy who won all those gold medals. (boring). Honestly, who cares about the olympics? Sweet, countries from around the world get together in ONE event and as one share memories of a life time. awwww how CUTE! Maybe we should wrap that idea up in a bow and give it to charity. Adorable. I don't know, I just don't see what the big deal is. The X-games are cooler than the olympics. Hell, winning a spelling bee in 3rd grade is cooler than watching the olympics. It's just SO boring. Sweet, a girl that looks 12 just did a flip! INCREDIBLE GIVE THAT GIRL A GOLD MEDAL! YOU ROCK SISTER!! YEAH YOU!!... Pshh I could do a backflip any day. Drunk. The olympics is all hype and really is just some events that really mean nothing in this world. Does Clickclickastan get some prize for winning gold in some random ass sport, which probably isn't even a sport (speed walking? wtf mate, who ever decided that was an "olympic sport" can jump in a sea of forks, with aids on them, while being burned by the flames of Hannah Montana's lovely skirt).... anyways where was I? Oh yes, ClickClickastan isn't "better" or "worse" then they are now to us just because they won something at an athletic event. F that. We still hate those fuckers. That right there is reasons why the olympics are a waste of time, a waste of MY time.

(note, I don't care about this subject. If you want to have a debate about why the olympics are helpful to society write it in your journal and have your imaginary friend Beth read it. I don't care. Also, you're probably fat for having an imaginary friend named Beth. SO go run some laps please. thanks!)

Oh yes, about me swimming laps now. I go to a hospital, the physical theropy section. My membership has like a partnership with their pool so whatever. I mostly see very old people, or very fat people trying to walk again. I was in the locker rooms last week naked, I just took a shower. Of course I had to look down, because if you had THIS body you would do the same. Don't lie. Well this old guy comes in, I forgot his name. He stands kind of beside me, about five lockers down and starts talking to me. Holy fuck. Not only is he A: Old, and B: naked, but he's TALKING to me?? WTFBBQSAUCEFACE?? Really. You would think he would go for his underwear/thong first but noooo. He has to start with the socks, then shirt, then making sure his hair is ok. Still with his tiny, man penis hanging there for me to see. I wasn't like...staring at it. stfu. I just have good peripheral vision so SUCK IT. SUCK IT DOWN YOUR DEEP BRUISED MOUTH WHORE. Sorry. Anyways, so I'm here looking at is oddly small penis. While talking about mexicans, and how they're takin R jobs. Oh joy! I love old people, that's all they talk about is non-whites, how the pres is retarded, and how their life sucks. That's it. It was a good conversation, I had a good laugh. Just the whole being naked with an old guy wasn't fun at all. I went home and turned the T.V. to the disney, err MTV right away.

Well, I'm out. My bones hurt. I need to drink some water so I don't feel like shit tomorrow. Bah, I hate being pregnant. Call me if you want to hang out. Actually, don't call me. That's weird.

Cashew Smiles, Lizard Tears, and Stuffed Animal Giggles

2008-08-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

AJSDJLAWNANSCUNAWHDUAWWDLJAWHDUHWDhAWKDKUHAWDKALJSDFLAJSDLFJLK;SDJFAEFJAIFJ3AFLAJSDFNVNASDFNAJSHDFKJHASDFKJASDJHF;AHFUEHFAKHEFKHASEKFHAKLSUEFKULAHFKLUHASDF

^^^ That's my mind. It's very chaotic, yet beautiful in it's own way.

laijsfl;HLUIADF

^^^ That's a wtf moment.

As you can see, I'm not human.

Today I witnessed something incredible. I believe it was a mix of a beat down, rape, burglary, and incest. It was pretty fruiting nuts. First I was minding my own business and this pickup truck goes flying past me. Obviously on crack, or acid. She yields for oncoming traffic like a good girl. I then started thinking about what I would do to her vehicle if she hit mine, assuming I didn't have a broken neck. I would get a bat, and my fist. Both are very deadly weapons. Then something magical happened. Another car followed was behind Ms. pickup truck and decided to get out of the car with a bat. The passanger decided to use his fist on the passanger in the truck. What just happened you asked? I'll tell you!

I now have the ability to change the future. Anything I think about WILL happen. Fuck yes. I'm like harry potter but more adorable, 20/20 vision, and I don't post nudes with me and a horse on the interwebs. I seriously thought I had powers today, and I do. Don't fuck with me! Want a sunflower seed rubbed in your eye? Want Cashew's jammed up your nose? be careful friends! I have it all. I'll stop to nothing to get what I want. It WILL happen, one day McLame will give up. One day.

Actually I witnessed road rage. A car really did do that, and the face on the guy with the bat was priceless. It was a face a guy with a bat would have. Very cool. I wanted to wave and give him a hug, but he seemed busy. You know, hitting cars, and faces on the street. I didn't want to bother him. I just wanted to know what happened? Then I had a vision. Kind of like that show on the disney channel only I'm not black, and my visions are actually fairly accurate from what really happened.

You see, the car was at Sonic. It's a great place. I love Sonic, don't fuck with Sonic!.. They ordered food I'm guessing, possibly a drink and were chilling in their car in the parking lot. Well pick up truck doods were like "Wtf". Why on earth would people at Sonic order food and a drink? Blasphemy!!!1!!1!!111111!!! Seriously, who the fuck does that? Rednecks. So yeah, Pickup truck doods decided they weren't going to be part of that crap. Not in this city! I'm not sure what they did but it probably was combination of a cucumber, salad dressing, Crayons, Miracle whip, and a bandana. I know right? HARDCORE.

The pickup truck then decided to gtfo. I would too if I totally owned someone with a combination of a cucumber, salad dressing, Crayons, Miracle Whip, and a bandana. Off they went. Well, the car doods weren't just going to sit there and take the combination of a cucumber, salad dressing, Crayons, Miracle Whip, and a bandana. Who would? Only McLame would because he's a failure at life. That's not the point. The car doods finally caught up with the truck doods and did their deeds. That's what happened. DON'T QUESTION ME.

I read "retards" are boycotting the movie "tropic thunder" because of some comments made by either the cast, or something in the movie. I haven't seen it because I'm a poor ninja but I find that funny. Mostly because I had NO idea "retards" could read. Ok that was mean. I'm sorry, I'm really not that mean in person. I just had to say that. It was on my chest and I had to let it out. Like a fart, but on my chest...and very rude. Mentally challanged have it hard in this life. They're just people too like us right? I'm sure some blog, or go to the movies, or read books, or brush their teef, or even color inside the lines. The possibilities are endless.

Hi, aren't I incredible? Gay? No. Sorry. :( :( :[

Really though, I'm really cocky this week. I just feel so good about myself. That's healthy right? I did replace every dollar bill I owned with my face on it. I hope they still accept my seven dollars and 25 cents. Who wouldn't with such a cute creature on them? McLame, that's who. He HATES me.

Please ladies, and gentlemen by the name of Chris. Don't message me for my number, or how much pain I can tolerate before passing out. That's rude. I'm happily with someone right now, and she's the win. Probably much coolar than you. Sorry, don't take that personal. It's just the whole you being on the internet that bothers me. You could be a 60 year old man named Tom that runs a "daycare" in his backyard. Yeah, whatever Tom. So please, leave me alone. I get thousands of emails as it is. My good looks are for good, not evil. :(

I hate one thing on this earth, and it's not McLame today. It's smelly people. Fuck them. Seriously. Well, don't. Please. Use protection if you do :( :( Forget I said that. But really, WTF. Do they not look in the mirror and see they haven't shaved in weeks? Maybe the fact that they haven't done laundry in about a month and have worn the same thing for three weeks because all they do is play world of borecraft in their room all day? If that was me, the thousands of dots aka dandruff would be a sign to um.... take a shower. That's just me though, I'm awesome. When you smell someone before you see them...You know it's a problem. What's really gross is they probably don't smell themselves. That's worse than 2girls1cup + a shower of warm milk that came from Erica the hair dressers.... pet goat. Who has aids, and is a recovering alchoholic that loved knitting. Which by the way is an EPIC hobby.

So yeah. I bring this up because I was stealing money from the governments (Financial Aid) and the guy infront of me was epicly gross. It was bad. I found the little AND big dipper on his shirt :( Don't ask what the stars were. It wasn't as fun as real stars, real stars don't move :( :(

Why is college so freakin expensive anyways? I like how the government hands out pale grants like Cheerleaders hand out jaw dropping feats at nationals. Like, if it wasn't for pale I would be FUCKED. HARD. I don't know who pale is but I would SO kiss that fucker right now. Still, why is college so much? Who the fuck cares if you went to a college that was 40k a year? Sweet. You're rich, well you were. Is the education really that much better compared to a much cheaper college? Not by much. Yeah, the professors probably know their shit, but that still doesn't justify the cost. College should be free, maybe an increase in tax, or shutting down some strip clubs so the professors can still be paid big bucks. Don't teachers do it for the kids and not the money though? Hmmm I love society.

Think of all the money that COULD be going to other causes. Africa, Katrina, Georgia... they all could use that 3k tuition money Mr.Pale GIVES me. Wtf? Now that I think about it, I could kick Pale in the balls for being such a douche waffle. Thanks, you're helping students expand their minds. While giving a shit less about people dying, living on nothing, having to sleep under a bridge... Weeew you fucking ROCK Pale. You should get some kind of award, or scholorship named after you. Oh wait...

This is why the government is fucked. They need to budget better. Noobs.

Red Diamond Iced tea is incred. It really is. Gallon of pure amazingness. Kind of like me, only I come in four quarts. SUCK IT GALLON. I could drink this forever and ever. After a marathon, the one hundred meter dash, running from a cheetah, forget water. I want Red Diamond Iced tea bitch. Don't fuck with me. Don't come between me and Red D. I had a dream someone stabbed me in my neck and instead of blood it was Red D... Of course I drank from my wound. Are you kidding me? Don't even question my love for the Red D. Pshh. Then I started floating on newspaper and talking to some old guy named tom, who invited me to attend his daycare.... fuck that was a weird ass dream.

RAWR eyes burning. I should soak these 20-20's in Red Diamond Iced Tea. That's such a good idea. Hmm I'm getting thursty just thinking about it, or horny... I get those mixed up. :( :(

Painful Smiles, Dog Tears, and Fupa Giggles

2008-08-12T21:07:00.000-07:00

Jesus sandtrap I'm so sorry my children. I have been SO busy. I haven't had anytime to copy/paste my random thoughts of awesomeness on this HTML website. Boo for you :(

Last weekend was the shit. As in, incredible, amazing, and even super duper. I went on a trip. I can't get into details but it was a mix of acid and disney world.

Ok the details.

Me and my gang left the morning of Friday, 2008. We packed our guns, missle launchers, and those rad net guns as well. We were hunting dinosaurs. Actually fuck that, Dinosaurs don't even live in the United States. Duh. We took that stuff for protection. Where we were going was pretty epic and we just had to be safe.

The trip there was ok. I destroyed a bottle of vodka, rum, and a wine cooler for good measures on the way. My pal whos name isn't important at this time wouldn't stop handing me bottles. I was forced to drink them. I almost pulled over and said enough was enough. However, I'm a good driver and that wouldn't have been safe. Pulling over on the side of the highway is never the smart thing to do.

When we arrived to our destination I was tired. Really tired. We had dinner with some pimps down the street. They had the HIV :( It was cool though, I made him drink from the table behind us. So all is well. I passed out next to an alley and cried myself to sleep. I'm not sure why, I just saw it on a movie and thought it would be pretty epic. It was.

The next day my gang went to the zoo. Boy was that that shit. Zoo = win. Zoo = orgasm in the face. Zoo = Oreo+milk+more milk. GOD I love the zoo. We saw....well, we saw alot of animals. I threw a baby in the gorilla pit. Actually, I didn't but BOY DID I WANT TO. Sorry, the urge was there but I controlled myself. Thank god. Those gorillas would have loved me after that. I didn't want to get attached since I was leaving soon. Oh right, poor baby too... whatever...

After the zoo I blacked out.

It was a fun trip. The plastic tree men didn't eat me this time. The last time I had a trip like that I was fighting plastic tree men for hours. It totally fucked up my trip. One time I drove in a straight line for eight hours. Boring as fuck.

Orange tic tacs. MMM did you know they're orange, and taste like tic tacs that are orange? Yeah I know, blew me away too. I had no idea. Seriously though these sluts are some win in my mouth. Probably better then that borderline gay dream I had the other night.... I mean.... Pizza! Fuck I love pizza.

All men should have a box of crayons. It's pretty epic when you can draw anything you want in basically any color your little heart desires(I got the 64 pack so I rock). You can even keep it in your man bag and color whenever you want. Awesome right? Right.

Well I have failed. I was going to write all night but I think my water broke. I'm going to go clean up and abort this fool. lolbbq jk. He's not a fool, and aborting isn't that fun.

Wish me luck!

Jello Smiles, Sandman Tears, and Shark Giggles

2008-08-03T21:20:00.000-07:00

Holy Christmas tree! It's been like twelve years since my last blog. I'm really sorry, actually I'm not sorry at all. I was told I say I'm sorry too much. So FUCK that, I'm proud I missed a few days. [Please don't leave, I'm sorry]

I promise I had good reasons for not posting at least a ":)". I know, I'm selfish. Some pretty epic stuff has happened to me the past few days. Incredible things to be honest. Yep. This isn't a blog about my life. It is, just not all seriousness, lovely stuff. It's more of a bullshit blog so I can't rant about random shit to people I don't know and meet them at the mall and they put me in their van and molest my toes. It's only happened three times but I miss it :( :(

Like take the next paragraph for example. Something that's NOT going in my blog. It's just not the place for it.

I met the most incredible person. The feeling I get when we're around is indescribable. Really, I'm too much of an IDIOT to think of how to explain it. My vocabulary is worsest than Little Jake in my brothers third grade class. I can't help it though. She is just so adorable. I'm sure some of you have felt that way about someone. Your toes ache, chills down your spine, chest shivering, stomach growling... The list goes on what I felt when I first saw her. Now it's less stomach growling and more mouth growling because I'm really a tiger. That's not the point. When I stare in her eyes and imagine us all I can do is smile. Which makes her smile, then she gets mad at me for smiling them I'm like "wtf". Anyways, my new hobby is her, my new motivation is her... shit, my goal in life is her. That's how special she is.

See, that's something thats never going to be in my blog. Nope, it's just too long [thats what she said]. It's too emotional. Emotions are ewwwwww >< You will never see that in my blog again, unless I have to type another example of whats not going to be in my blog for you slow pokes.

Now that that's over with I have some REAL topics for you.

I have a task for you. You know when your ketchup bottle has that stupid ass water shit in it before you use it? So you shake it up to mix it in? Well try shaking that bottle without looking like a complete moron..... Attempt it? Well you failed, because it's impossible. I'm pretty freakin hot, and very talented so you would think I would look sweet doing anything. Including something trivial like shaking a bottle. Nope. Anyone who does looks like a complete retard. "OH NO SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE!!!!1!!1!11 GOD HELP US ALL!1!" No mom, she's just shaking the bottle. See how that works? Why do restaurants even have bottles in the first place? I'm going to go ahead and say because they want you to look like an idiot. I refuse to shake in public. It's actually against the law in thirty four states. It's considered a felony under the "Forcing strangers to orgasm" law. Sorry folks, I don't want to go to prison. Not yet.

I would take a picture of these bags of fuck but I'm REALLY tired and lazy. What am I talking about? Oh, it's just these tiny fun pack bags of jelly bellys. Some Jelly Bellys are freakin good. I would bang some of those flavors SO fast. However, the scientist of Jelly Bellys also made some "wtf is this shit" flavors. I always have ate Jelly Bellys via labeled box. So I knew what flavor I was about to burst in my mouth. Well they didn't think about that for these bags of suck. Nope. They mixed the yum with "OMGWTFBBQ" flavors.... Um, Jelly Belly people... thanks? Screw you, no. Screw your eye ball via lamp post bitch. What were you thinking? It's like playing russian roulette but with flavors. It makes your tongue want to kill itself and vomit blood. It's just not worth the yum. I had to stop after I ate a "strawberry" then a "grass" right after. Strawberry grass doesn't really taste good. God damn you Jelly Belly.

Ha, no pictures for you. Owned.

Untitled Smiles, Snorlax Tears, and Chinchilla Giggles

2008-07-29T21:37:00.001-07:00

et, fWhat on earth? Hi.

I totally didn't write anything last night because I was being fucked. Literally, two sharks were mating inside my head. One would hold on to my frontal lobe for dear life while the other kept biting my cerebellum. Sharks sure can do it for along time. I had no idea. I thought it was a quick process. Kind of like with hookers and married men at hotels. Oh well, you learn something new everyday! I had a headache from those two last night up until this evening. It's still not fully gone. I can feel the two messing around in there. I'm about to eat some posters of Oprah in a bikini so they will calm down. Please don't ask where I found these pictures. I have had them for along time. They mean alot to me.

Two more days. Two more freaking days children until I'm going to explode with joy. I'm so excited. In two days the underground tunnel I have been building will be complete. It goes to the house of the political advicer for McLame's campain. It's taken me all my life. Instead of playing in the sandbox as a kid I was DIGGING. Instead of playing soccer like normal fat kids I was DIGGING, and instead of telling your mom jokes to my friends I was DIGGING. Although, those weren't jokes. I have alot of stories about your mom that are 100% true. ha, owned.

This tunnel means alot to me. More that this chicken sandwich I'm eating right now. It's very special. It has ranch dressing on it.

I'm hoping next week it will be complete. It's a long walk, but I think I can make it. Italy to Washington? pshh. cake. Apple cake. Once I'm there guess what I'm doing?... Ok, I'm not going to KILL him, thats mean. You guys are sick, wow. I was going to TP his house like a true man, but something got my attention and changed my mind. I was talking with a 25 year old single male friend of mine. He lives in a four bedroom house all to himself and is a sex engineer or something. He is looking for a college girl to drop out of school and move in with him. Message me if you hotties are interested. I'll take male applications too, just for fun. He introduced me to upper decking. If you don't know what upperdecking is it's actually really gross but SO win. It's where you do your business in the upper level of the toilet, where all the lever things are and the flusher. I wont get into details.

After I do that I'm going to ring his doorbell and hide in the bushes. I'm so badass.

On another note, I found the love of my life. It's even in a package just for me! OHHH YEAHHHH

It's probably the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Talk about a mouth orgasm. It's so yummy. The only thing that came close to this level of orgasm would have to be when I swallowed one of those vibrators that go in electric toothbrushes. I had no idea it would go down my throat I promise! I didn't even mean for it to be on when I did it. It was FUCKING nuts though. Chills down my spine and everything. I think I drooled too, and cried. I was only like two years old so it wasn't my fault. What can I say? I like to take things apart. Anyways, this red drank is so good. I recommend getting it now. Go, go to walmart and get some loser.

I did some pushups and situps tonight. I believe I did around 100 of each. No joke, I'm really that amazing. If I was joking I would be like " I did a MILLION " because I'm an asshole like that. Making skinny boys cry at night. It's not my fault 100 isn't shit for me. It shouldn't be for anyone else either. That's like swallowing for me. I do it automatically. I don't have to tell my brain to do it and I waste hardly any energy doing it. Here's my card, call me sometime and I'll punch you in the face. It's like an autograph but with blood.

I have to go now. The new Harry Potter movie trailor is out. It has alot of pedo friendly scenes that I need to go make fun of so when my friends go "HAVE YOU SEEN IT???" I can make fun of them. Makes sense right?? Right. After I watch that I'm going to go move a couple houses that are blocking my sunrise in the morning.

2008-07-28T00:47:00.000-07:00

Do you know what that is? It's a freaking WATERAPPLE. Can you believe those things are real? Wow. I'm shocked. My....wonderful friend and I were talking and we joked about a waterapple entering the planet and destroying earth as we know it. I had no idea a waterapple was real. I wonder what it tastes like? Water? Apple? Probably bush's face.

I really have little to talk about. Today was an amazing day. That's all I'll say....

OK FINE I"LL SHARE!1!!!111!. I went to the beach today and WRECKED this little kids sand castle. It was so funny. That boy cried for so long afterwards. I kind of felt bad but I got over it. Pretty fast actually. After that happened I popped some group of kids beach ball. It had no chance. THEN I decided to destroy bush's face with logic and impeachment. He got owned. He even cried. So my day was extremely special. I hate sand castles.

Ok, I really don't have much to talk about.. seriously.....

I"M TOO BUSY LAYING ON MY NEW PILLOW CASE. It's actually really old and old school. Which makes it better than TDK losers who went out and bought a bed set after seeing the movie. I'm so amazing I already had a bed set. Don't mess with me.

I'm really sorry for the short post. Not really. If you don't like it gtfo. Really, go visit miley cyrus and cry on her shoulder or something. I don't want that shit in here. I have bigger and better things to worry about. Like HIV, spilling my drink, saving the world, not stepping in dog crap. I don't have time for you.

If you haven't read previous entries I would do that now, because this entry isn't that win. Those are I promise.

Pineapple Smiles, Tiger Tears, and Hot Fat chick Giggles

2008-07-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

How's it going children? My life is great, and it's going to get better I believe. At least I hope it does!

I'm going to impeach Ronald Mcdonald for pressuring children to be gay clowns. This IS NOT right and it has to be stopped. It's ok that he likes pickles in his trunk but my babies dont. They don't even like the taste of pickles. He's so selfish, Screw you Ronald, screw you.

Anyways, I was at walmart aka the greatest place on earth and I discovered people are morons. Hello? Use the other side of the damn ile fucker. (ile right? the things you walk in? damn I can't spell. I got an F on every bee. gtfo if you don't like it. Google it, I don't care. Asshole.) What's wrong with people now adays? STAY ON YOUR RIGHT. IT"S ACTUALLY REALLY EASY BECAUSE YOU DRIVE THAT WAY EVERYDAY... or do they?!?????. I was minding my own business and out of no where this hooker wanted 30 dollars... oh wait wrong sorry. Out of no where this old lady turned into my invisable lane and just stopped.... right in front of me, like I was the one who should get out of the way. Fuck that. Fuck her. Fuck old people. I sat there and pretended to play with my cellphone until she decided to go around me. Seriously? fuck old people.

Don't try to go down the frozen food section. Nope, screw that. Doors WIDE open, when the box is an inch thick. Way to go eco friendly slut. Do you know how much cold air is released when a door to a FREEZER is open for a minute? which by the way they don't even look before opening. They open the door then say "hunny? Chicken or fish?". I HATE YOU. With multiple doors wide open making the already small ile even smaller it was a pain to go through it. I really wanted some icecream though. Two people smashed into each other. Good god, drama queens from mars. They tapped each other, probably not even noticing they did until the kid in the seat said "mommy, did you hit that person". Then it was "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING", "SUCK A DICK", "BUSH IS A HORRIBLE PRESIDENT". Ok, I made one of those up. They didn't say that. Wifes don't suck dick.... pshh

I get to the register and guess what? A guy with obviously more than 20 items IS IN THE FUCKING 20 ITEMS OR LESS LINE. bitch be lying say WHAT? Yeah. I know. Fuck that guy. So here I am, waiting for this selfish guy to get out of my way so I can pay for the four items I have. Then I can go home and play mario kart all day and but guess what? I didn't think it could get worse but it did. He said it. The bitch said it. "Oh shoot, I left my wallet in the car.". Fuck you sir. Fuck you.

The reason I went to walmart in the first place wasn't to pick up chicks. I know, it's a great place to meet the bestest gurl in town. I haven't had bread in three days now. Meaning, I haven't ate anything. Meaning, I have been hungry for three days. Meaning, I need to stop being a 15 year old girl and EAT SOME MEAT. I figured, I'm on a diet so if I don't eat thats just speeding up the process right? Right. So no harm is done. I had a sandwich and now I'm back to normal. Hungry. I feel sexy now! You can see ALL MY RIBS!!! tehe, come chat with me! theheheehe 1-800-295-5276. I don't bite! tehe.............

When I got to my car I opened my car door and sat in the seat. GOOD GOD was it hot. It wasn't the burning on, more of the "HI, I'm the sun. I'm going to slowing diarrhea heat waves all over your chest" kind of hot. It sucked so hard. I felt shitty, and my hair was going crazy. Humidity isn't a friend to have. I really don't like how my car turns into a toilet for Mr. Sun to do his post taco bell night dumps in. It's really not fair, why not use Mr. Bush's face? or The big mouths of all the fox news people? Why my car? Ugh. Life isn't fair.

To finish off my epic story I was driving home and realized something. Slow drivers are fucking rude. They really are. I'm going five over the speed limit. Which is acceptable by police standards. The max you can speed for them not to give a shit. Well two cars were going about 30 in a 40 zone. Honestly? Suck a banana. Really? 30? why not just walk back home cow. when one car is going slow as shit it's ok, I guess. I can just nova burst right past them in the PASSING lane. However, when two cars are right next to each other going 30 in a 40 zone blocking the PASSING zone I shit bricks. Are you stupid? Do you have mental issues? If you do It's all good, my bad. BUT YOU PROBABLY DONT BECAUSE YOU'RE DRIVING A CAR. Driving isn't just about yourself. It's about hundreds of people working together to not wtf pwn their face in a pole. When a car doesn't go the speed limit and fucks over 30 people that can lead to problems. It's really just not safe for slowpokes to be on the street. Lets call them Bush and impeach them too!

Finally, children, old people, weirdo pedo guys, everyone reading this blog I want you to know something. I got served. It was hardcore too. I feel like the drunk girl at a bachelor party. Yeah, I got fucked. HARD. I will say this. Never fight with watermelon when the opponent has a pineapple. It was like a little kid vs a tank, or a fish vs sand, and even bush vs impeachment. I GOT ROLLED. I was lost for words. On one end, I got served.. no one serves Joshua. On the other end I was realizing how only an incredible, loving, unbelievable, breathe taking person could defeat me, and that person was right in front of me kicking my ass. It was beautiful. My emotions were going wild. It was the SHIT.

Yeah, no pictures. I feel like a cam whore so none this time. Sorry folks. At least I wrote more?

If you don't like it, leave.

If your fingers were your toes and your toes were your fingers what would you do? Think of the possibilities.

oh, aisle. I was close!

Binary Smiles, Zebra Tears, and Cupit Giggles

2008-07-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

What is up my earthling bitches? Could you get my bags? Yes, the flash drives noob. I just wanted to get a shout out to my homey Kfed. Sup playa? Still tappin that ho from the oops I did it again video?... Anyways, I have landed here on earth to kick McCains ass. I would also like to punch the Fox News people in the face, and also the kidney's. Bitches. I'm going to try and stay the night here if I can. Josh should be home soon, I hope he doesn't mind the hole in the wall. I think I can hav.a.dsfak92asjaf;lknaseklghasdgoihqw383ji

WTF was that shit? A fucking robot was typing on my keyboard. I smashed that bitch with my suit case. Fuck, was he on here? What a cock tease. I think it's dead, actually I know it is. You should see the mess. It's kind of cool, in a Wall-E suicide kind of way. That bitch should have asked before using my computer. Seriously wtf?

GOD DAMNIT APPLE LEMON CAKE I just read what that bitch had to say. He was going to do what I dream about every night :( :( and I killed him... I feel awful now. I hope his people aren't pissed he's not coming back. All we need now is a 100 year war on mars or whatever shit planet he came from. Fuck me.

Anyways, Yes you heard me. I have a suit case. I'm now officially working at taco bell. What? Just because I have a suit case doesn't mean I have to work at some formal office. Fuck, give me a break. Taco bell is lovely, 401k, insurance, dental, I'm set for life. The kids are going to be so happy we can finally get their teef fixed. The wife is going to be happy too I can bring home three for one burritoes. Yessssss. I mean, she's only 300 pounds. I'm so happpppppy!1!!!!!1111!

This cat thats at my house is getting out of control. I have scratches all over my arms and legs. Only a few are from the cat, the others are from Sarah the waitress at Ihop down the street. This cat takes horrible dumps of suck every hour. It's like it has a working digestive system. To top it off it comes home past eleven drunk as hell singing opera. I can't take it anymore. I found a used needle at the bottom of its litter box. Seriously, this is getting out of control. One more thing. We got back from maury's show and NOTHING had changed. She still beats me, calls me names, comes home late etc. She just has no respect for me. That bootcamp did absolutely nothing. That was a waste of time. Whatever, I about to kick her out of the house where she BELONGS like the wild beast she is.

Oh look, drunk and passed out like always.

Also, why is there a hole in my roof? WTF IS GOING ON?!?!!??!

Sorry for the short blog. Like they say! Short blog is short!

Cup Smiles, Sea Men Tears, and Lobster Giggles

2008-07-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

If McCain becomes president.

Humans will turn into bananas. We will eat bananas. We will all mate with bananas. It's not a pretty picture. Mcdonalds will become Mcbananas. The Atlantic ocean will become Banana Ocean A. Teachers will teach about bananas. Lunch rooms will have bananas on the menu only. Hair chested men will hunt bananas. Life as we know it will change forever. Bananas will stay bananas though.

I'm in Italy right now on vacation. It's really nice here. It snowed yesterday and it gave Saabi and I a chance to get to know each other more. She's the best. We met on the plane. She lives here! She's Italian! She eats Italian food! It's crazy! We plan on snowboarding down some big mountain. I'm not sure what the name of it is. All I know is it's a huge mother. Literally, This mom had 800 jewish babies and gained over 200,000 tons of "baby fat". Right, like I'm going to believe thats "baby fat". Stupid girl.

Saabi is really a cool person. She likes to eat plants. She doesn't speak english sadly so the language barrier is pretty crippling. Oh well. I'm in love with her. She has alot of hair, it's everywhere haha. You know what they say about them Italian girls... Maybe that's French girls? whatever, this chick has some serious hair. She just made me a gift, it's some sort of stick. I'm not sure what it's used for. It's slimy ugh, and I can see dead ants on it wtf. Thats my Saabi, always being bizarre as fuck. He's in a tree house right now playing with her friends. She loves to climb, that's why I thought it would be a good idea to climb that mother of a mountain. I'm always good at finding things to do with my love.

I must say, Italy has some shitty ass food. I could go in the frozen food section at a gas station and find better crap than this stuff. I haven't seen one damn noodle my whole trip. This is Italy, I WANT TO SEE A NOODLE FROM ITALY. I drank some horrible liquid. The locals called it "fare pipì". It sounded very fancy, and I'm a fancy guy. So I took a shot of that ho and wow it was awful. The locals started laughing at me and even started throwing tomatoes at me. WTFMATE. Later I found out "Fare pipi" was Italian for pee. I knew that drunk prostitute was no good. I stole her bracelet, muahahhaaha bitch.

I took the train to a near by city. I can't read signs so I have no idea what city it is. Only this train was different. IT WAS A SHOE TRAIN!! DRIVEN BY A CAT OMG IT WAS THE SHIT YO. Actually, that never happened. A shoe train is ridiculous. I'm not a rediculous person at all. Pshh. Suck it.

My pills are kicking in and I have to stop here. I have the urge to post provocative pictures AND THATS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Caps. It's the pills talking. I better leave before anything gets serious. I don't want any of you becoming my number one fan. Then you rape me when we meet up. That would hurt. Besides, Aaron Carter is my number one fan. I have all his CD's!

Also, Saabi is a monkey.

I now have aids.

We're having monkey babies.

One's a girl.

Two are boys.

fourteen are mutant monkeyhumans.

They're very adorable.

In a mutant monkeyhuman kind of way.

I'm also not in Italy, F that place.

Microphone Smiles, Cat Tears, and Smurf Giggles

2008-07-23T18:54:00.000-07:00

I wish I wasn't so amazing. Kind of how a guy is confused (and probably ugly) and doesn't want a penis. So he grows up being a goth kid and one day has the thing cut off by an underground illegal doctor. Which turns out to just be some prostitute he met on 4th and main street. Giving him an infection in his newly, deformed vagina. Which now looks like a stab wound that hasn't healed in six months. THEN after all that the confused (and probably ugly) guy realizes he should have just kept his penis in the long run. So I guess I should stay amazing.

I believe the shower is one of, if not the greatest place to be on earth. Nothing beats a warm shower that feels like soft warm blankets being thrown at you. You could just fall asleep standing up. Where else can you fall asleep standing up? Oh, at a Jonas Brothers Concert. That's not the point though. I would have to give credit to my wonderful showers to my body. It's very nice. It's eye candy that I can touch, and eat if I was stranded on an island. What's also incredible is my shampoo and conditioner. They keep me loving life. My shampoo is the best shampoo on this planet. It makes my hair a happy camper. It also makes it feel quite nice. The smell is just out of this world. It gives my nose an orgasm. If my nose could erect, it would. Being shampoo, the scent is transfered via my hair into other peoples noses. Which gives everyone I walk past a nose orgasm. I should be a super hero with those kind of powers.

Why does stale popcorn feel so weird? The texture gives me the chills when you squeeze one. They have an odd popcorn smell to them. It's just overall nothing I want to be near. I haven't ate a piece yet. Hold on...................................Ok yeah stale popcorn it's that great for your taste buds. You have to chew way too much. The effort isn't worth the profit. I'm going to go throw this bag away now.

I'm addicted to inscent. I have been for almost a year now. It's becoming a problem I think. I don't eat, or sleep and I can't hold a job for the life of me. I hallucinate when I haven't sniffed yummy rose scent. I even have seizures. I even call my cocaine inscent, WHATS WRONG WITH ME?!!
As some of you know, I'm never really serious on this. However I think I need to calm down for a second and get something off my chest.

I want to have surgery to become a kangaroo. I think it's called Kangaroo surgery. I have had a love for these doods for along time. Ever since I started using aussie shampoo. I would see their logo every morning, and sometimes I would take a shower just to look at my shampoo bottle. I'm addicted. Just the other day I pulled over and gave one that was on the side of the road a proper burial. I mean, yeah it was a dumb squirrel, but who cares? I saw a kangaroo within that gut bursted squirrel. I had to do something. It also only had one eye. Sometimes I jump to my car like a kangaroo. It's also only happened once, and bees were chasing me. I wasn't really jumping now that I think about it. It was more screaming, running, and ducking all at the same time. It's always been a dream of mine to become a new animal. I'm sending my story to Oprah, Tbanks, and ellen for hopes my dream will come true. Wish me luck.

Short blog is short.

Slut Smiles, Jesus Tears, and Candle Giggles.

2008-07-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

Yeah I said it. SLUT. I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus! I know you read this. Whore. I believe I figured out why girls are so slutty. This is Brand new philosophy that I, Joshua has discovered. So don't take credit for this masterpiece! Ho.

See, when a girl developes shes like, "Hey, you. Why are you growing?". Secretly she talks to them at night. Eventually she gets the idea, "I think I need to show my new growth deformities to someone else. That someone else is obviously the mirror. Then it ends up being that girls best friend. Which is always another girl. Now both girls are like "haha your growth deformity looks funny". See, this is all fine and dandy here. If it stopped, but it doesn't! With the camera, video recording devices, and VCR's girls now network out of the bestfriend zone. Now it's myspace, youtube, and boys playing lego's (which btw they're minding their FREAKING business. They don't want anything to do with your undeveloped deformities.).

This wasn't a problem two hundred years ago. A girls best friend at that time was probably the dairy cow, or the butter thing. So it's just common sense we as a society is just now realizing all the whores. Butter things can't talk.

So there you have it. I have solved the problem. Girls aren't doing anything wrong. They're just trying to show off their growth deformities. Thats it. They aren't being "sexy" or "slutty". They're just innocent bystanders of the growth deformities. Poor girls.

It's different with guys. With guys it's pretty simple. When our spectacular creation developes it's more of a "don't tell anyone or it gets cut off" kind of thing. Which is understandable. Why would you want to show off that? Don't fool yourself, unless you're jewish, or Madonna you have a tiny fellow at that age. Nothing to brag about, if anyone says otherwise they're lying.

New subject, my eyes started shaking after writing that. Now I'm dizzy. My brain is telling me to stop and I'm going to. I like my Brain.

When I grow up... I'm going to be a cloud. Look at those fuckers and tell me they aren't having a blast? YOU CAN'T. I would love to fly, and then shit on someones parade. haha, take that St. Patrick! You can shoot lightning thats very inaccurate but when it hits something living its RADICAL! You can also transform into a bow echo and wtfpwn farms and agricultural things. Killing is never a clouds intentions, they're just the bystanders of once again the growth deformities. DAMN THEM.

What ever happened to the walmart smiley face? He was the shit. Bounces on things, probably never washed his hands after he used the restroom to make it funny. Roll'n back prices like a true American. Boy, I miss that kid. I haven't seen him on a commercial in years. I also don't own a T.V. so maybe I'm just unlucky. I wonder where he's at now? Do you know what? I don't really care. What I do care about is what happens to a smiley face when there is no happyness around? Like, what if he went to go see a movie staring Eddie Murphy where Eddie was a guy who talked to rats and other animals? Sounds like a shit of a movie I know...

Anyways, would he become a sadface? Is he just a face? or is he a happyface? I think it would be funny to take a happyface to a sad places. It would be like guantanamo bay, muhahaha. What if you made him watch a documentary on the holocaust. Then he would just be an asshole to everyone else in the room. Noone could stay smiling after that video. Do you know what? I bet he's a dick to everyone that meets him. I'm going to conclude he was murdered by a viewer who met him in person and figured out how mean Mr. Walmart happyface is.

I came home today and found Mickey mouse raping one of my alien dolls from when I was a kid. NO JOKE! I was able to snap a picture before he ran away to his black van across the street.

Look at this epic picture, it was a paint by number. Holy shit it's spectacular! My place used to be a 50's barbarshop and once I saw it I was in love! We're getting married on the 5th of December this year.

And finally upside down cat says hi.

Sunflower Seed Smiles, Leprecon Tears, and Panda Giggles

2008-07-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

Hello strangers, pedophiles, and mall santa claus's. What's going on? I'm doing good, thanks for asking. Guess what I did? I kissed a girl, and I liked it! I know right? That's huge for me. The taste of her cherry chapstick was yum. Ok, I'm lying. Me kiss a girl? haha. :(

That's actually lyrics to a stupid concept song by Katy Perry. I never listen to the radio, but I did last week and this song was on. My ears haven't forgiven me yet. I'm sorry little guys. I think it will be alright.

It's been along time, I'm sorry for the three that read this. High five for that! It's a long story, and guess what? I'm going to freakin tell it. It's epic, but aparently not as epic as the purple pink polkadotted ping pong ball story. Whatever... That story pisses me off and I haven't even heard it yet. Anyways, the reason I have been goine for so long is this.

It all started when I realized I was moving back home and living in a shed in my dad's backyard. I was stoked! I mean, who wouldn't be stoked if they knew they were moving into a shed? The answer to that question is simple, sharks. My roommate, aka uncle wasn't the coolest roommate. So the day I was leaving I received a phone call. It was some guy, probably in a black suit asking if I was ready. I was like, "I'm sorry you have dialed the wrong number...". He wasn't buying it. He said he was part of the security at my college I attended last semister and I was caught stealing a bagel. I had no idea what he was talking about but I went along with it. I was curious what punishment they gave to students with zero income stealing a bagel. So he said he wanted me to turn myself in. I said ok and that was that.

That evening a helicopter arrived at my place. I would say thirty S.W.A.T. dudes busted up my shit and hand cuffed me with barbed wire cuffs... hardcore right? They blind folded me and I would say within ten minutes we landed. They took me in this room and took off my blindfold. We were in a damn bathroom... A sign said, "Thank you for shopping at walmart". To be a dick I said, "Where am I??". They said thats not important. I started busting up laughing because obviously we were at walmart. Dick heads.

Then all of a sudden they turned into talking birds. Told me stealing bagels was terrorism and I'm going to prison for life. I wasn't upset, I was just confused. I asked them why they had a helicopter if they were originally birds? Idiots.

So, they took me away. I went to some unknown prison called "Ze Ope Rah Sho". What is that? French? I don't know, it smelled REALLY bad. Like a fat walrus dead and had kids that also dead and those kids ate those kids. Horrible.

My new cell mate was named Alfando. He fondled prezzy Bush and was sent here. We told stories to pass the time. Alot of the stories were about fondling, which started to get awkward. I was transferred to a different wing after Alfando fondled a kangaroo on his one day free pass to Australia. I guess they give those out now in prison? sweeeeet.

Three weeks later I was released for good behavior. I actually just slept all of those weeks and it felt like that lasted a day. Suckers.

I get to my shed back home and find a giant spider attacking my banana's. That shit DOESNT fly in my house. Nope. I rambo'ed his ass so fast. I have it's head on my wall. Not really. My bananas were fine. It turned out he was attacking some styrofoam cut outs painted yellow. My bad.

I'm going to stop lying because thats not nice to do. I don't even know any of you. None of that happened. I did move to back home and I didn't have internet because I was remodeling my house that I live in now. Epic fail.

I was attacked by a lion today that was hiding under my car. It was actually a house cat.

Ritz crackers are yum.

I have lost five pounds since I stopped eatting at my mom's house. haha.

I have ate around four million sunflower seeds in my lifetime.

I haven't cried or thrown up since I was 11. Both equally incredible.

I haven't had Mcdonald's breakfast in about four months. I wake up too late.

I leave you with"interested cat:"

Also, the coolest kid ever.

(He's on the left)

(That dog looks sad)

(That teenager needs to NOT rub orange drink on her skin)

(If she has a skin disease, I apologize)

Hamster Smiles, Harry Potter Tears, and Bubble gum Giggles.

2008-05-22T19:44:00.001-07:00

Fuck. It's been like four years since my last blog. I moved and have had no internet to speak of. So basically my life was over for awhile. Suicide was prevalent. Ok not really, but it was pretty bad. Headaches, shivers, crying... Although that oncoming traffic sure looked tempting. Oh well, probably just a phase...

Fuck. I have no pictures to share. I know horrible news right? My camera cord is in a box in a house. That house is about 5 miles away. Sadly I can't just fly over there to get it. i have a feeling this is going to be a shit of shit blogs. So I'd just scroll down to something more to your liking.

Has a 300 pound cabinet ever fallen on top of you before? Crushing your legs on a stair case? No? Well it did to me. I'm now in a wheelchair. I can't really feel anything past my knee's. Oh well, walking, running, swimming etc is all overrated anyways. I can hire some 13 year olds to do that for me while I watch and sit in my pimped out wheelchair with a smile. Mmm slaves... It also hurts to pee. I'm not sure if thats the result of my accident or not because it started before it. I sure hope it wasn't Sandra on 31st street. She was so nice.

Ok that paragraph above was a lie. I'm a liar. Damn. I apologize. A 300 pound cabinet did fall on me though. Crushing my legs but no brakes. I walked away like a true hero. I did get a nice rash on my back from the fall. My left foot can't support my weight, and lets not forget the cut and stabbing pain on my right leg. Then again all of those symptoms could be a result of Sandra last Friday. Yeah, shes insane.

Fuck. I wish every city was one big city. That would be so amazing. That would solve alot of problems. We would call it New springlasminnchiyorkordethostdcville.

Fuck. That is all. I have to jet. People to save, money to make.

Smile :)

Raccoon Smiles, Dragon Tears, and Bottle Cap Giggles.

2008-05-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

What a weekend. I totally got smashed saturday night. It was so rad. Replace I with this poor raccoon trying to play frogger. He came out of no where. It was around 2 am and it was pitch dark. All I heard was a massive SMASH, maybe a fart too. I thought the world was coming to an end, it happened so fast! I was so scared. Then I realized I hit something, probably an ape or a rhino by the sound of the SMASH. The next morning I wanted to mount the rhino's head on my wall so I took a drive to the scene of the accident ( I have always wanted to say that ). Holy shit I fucked that raccoon up. I wont get into details, I'm sure little children read this because I promise candy when I advertise. It was bad thats for sure. I couldn't believe such a tiny hateful creature could make such a loud SMASH. Whats with me and killing animals on accident? Peta better not be reading this. The last thing I need is some moron telling me I'm a murderer.

Did someone say superhero? With the upcoming Hancock movie coming out, Iron man being a kick ass movie, and batman on its way too I decided to reveal my secret. Yes, I'm batman. I know it's not "cool" to reveal who you are but I want the publicity so I can show off my vagina.

I'm gentle I promise!

Anyways, where was I? Oh yes thats right. Coffee. I decided to take Ihop's advice with their "bottomless coffee" and boy did I get served... haha get it? They served me coffee? No? :( Eight, yes thats right eight jugs later I couldn't take it anymore. Thats what? Three cups were Jug so 438 cups total? Crazy. I had to take a serious piss twice, and once when I got home. I might have some brain damage too. It was worth it though. I didn't think they would give me over 3 jugs so now I know when a waiter says he's going to kick your ass at Ihop, you better believe him! Ihop is true to their words.

I went to my wallet and discovered I had CASH! Can you believe it? A 19 year old with cash?!?! I had five dollars. I haven't seen cash in like four months. I really have no idea how it got there. I noticed the U.S. money maker people are getting creative with their prints. Is this new? I was debating keeping it because it was so pretty, but the person at the desk told me I had to pay.... Whore..

It's so pretty isn't it? Put a dress on that sucker you got a prom queen. After this amazing discovery I have drawn out what I think the year 3,000 A.D. five dollar bill will look like. Prepare yourself.

Yes thats a rainbow. A sweet rainbow.

Anyway buy a coke product and find they changed caps? Honestly what the fuck? These caps are so hard to open now. It's like trying to hold a lubricated banana in a pool of lotion. It doesn't happen. I mean, my strength is out of this world. You know the earthquake in China? That was me. I got mad at gas prices and punched the ground. I know, I'm sorry. I still couldn't open a coke bottle for the life of me. I was thirsty too. The bottle is in my fredge just chillin, probably thinking its a bad ass because he wasn't destroyed. I bet he's making fun of Andy the Ketchup bottle and Pam the BBQ sauce. Seriously, what an asshole. Andy and Pam have been good to me all these months. They don't deserve that abuse. I can't do anything about it though. I can't open that cap for the life of me. FUCK

I leave you with the hair of champions. Keep a headband on for an hour and see what happens! Do it!!!1!1! At least my face is super clean! :(

Banana Smiles, Orangutan Tears, and Charizard Giggles

2008-05-09T20:03:00.001-07:00

Finals are basically over. I have one Tuesday of next week. It's going to rock my world. In a good way. I hope its an essay. I want to write about my imaginary friend Larry. He's imaginary. Me and him are going to chill tomorrow. Just me and him, because it's my birthday. I'll be 85. I can't have cake because of my age. I can however have ICECREAM! So I'm thinking about buying a two gallon tub of chocolate goodness for Larry and I. We're going to play sorry, and checkers. Then my favorite game twister, only not naked like I enjoy oh so much. Larry is a guy and it would just be weird.

Last week I washed my car after my encounter with a bird. I think his name was Ivan. Anyways, one day after washing my car I heard it. It happened so gracefully. The sound echoed in my ear canal. The ringing sensation made me blush bright red. The hairs on the back of my neck stimulated. Goose bumps on my arms spreading like chicken pox. What happened you ask? Oh, just a BIRD SHIT ON MY CAR. I knew it happened. I didn't see it happen, but I heard it. I have hears like a cat. I was ticked off, that carwash was around five dollars. I wasn't happy about that either, but now this? Five dollars to waste. I could have bought five things from the dollar store.

I know, it doesn't look like much. I licked most of it off in anger. Ok no, I didn't lick some of it off. Thats just gross. Ugh. I do drive about 400 miles an hour, blindfolded, and with one hand so by the time I got home most of it blew off.

Then I saw her. The most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life appearing in the corner of my eye. Her legs were just phenomenal. Chest wasn't too big, but wasn't too small. It was perfect. Her hair waving to me with every pass of wind. Actually replace her with his/him. No I'm not gay ( sorry guys ) I'm talking about my reflection. Yes, my reflection is beautiful. I recommend every look at your reflection and just gasp at how beautiful you are. It's a beautiful thing.

Why must Larry be so selfish? He's insisting on working out with me. I told him no, it wasn't going to happen. I sweat alot and when my abs are going up and down it's like river. He said he would wear a scuba suit so I guess its ok. He's such a light weight.

Ego Smiles, Whore Tears, and Duck Giggles.

2008-05-09T17:42:00.001-07:00

Are you a bad person? Do you smell? Have you ever tried to run from the cops? I think duct tape can cure you of all these problems. Duct tape is freakin insane. You can hold just about anything together to form anything you want. Want a car? Bam. Want a girlfriend? Bam. I believe in the next five years we will depend on duct tape instead of crude oil. Screw crude oil. It's all up in your face with high prices and it feels like slime. Duct tape is silver, which is a cool color. You can even customize it to the color of your liking. Can crude oil do that? No.

So Jack (not my camera), the goose at my campus was being a dick today. That school girl was up on the highest part of the II building talking so much shit. I was about to throw a rock at it to stfu. Honestly, he thought he was tough shit. He wouldn't stop calling me fat, and telling the smokers to stop smoking. Asshole. If he decides to come down tomorrow I might have to kick his ass. It's for his own good, don't yell at me animal activists. kthx.

Do you ever feel like someone is hiding in your house? I sure do. I have to turn the lights on when I'm alone so I don't crawl in a corner and cry myself to sleep at night. Also when I go to the bathroom I check behind the shower curtain to make sure noones hiding behind there to ambush me when I'm taking a piss. Actually, sometimes when I pass by my bathroom I'll randomly check behind the curtain. Everytime I feel something. Before I take a shower in the morning I always check behind the curtain. Right when I get home from class I check the curtain. I'm starting to think I should just not close the curtain when I'm done in the shower. That would be rude though, ladies might get mad if they see how un-civil I live. I don't want that to happen.

brb, checking curtain.

I want glasses. They're so cool. My buddy has glasses and he's a player now. It's time I get glasses. Yeah, I have 20/20 vision ( word up yo ) and eagles have a hard time beating me in a distance contest but I just want some to wear. They have to be sweet. Bars up your vision, taking your field of view away. I bet you could pretend the frames were like a space ship and when you walk around outside you can make it the spaceship do tricks and stuff. OR you can imagine the frames are a huge brick wall and just watch traffic SLAM into your huge brick wall but they're really frames on your sweet glasses so noone gets hurt. Thank god.

Anyways, Justin Timberlake stole my body shots again and pasted his face on my bod. Asshole. I need to go kick his ass, brb.

OK that was fast, he's a panzy.

Favorite pickup line this week: "wow."

***moved from previous blog***

Girlfriend Smiles, Flash Tears, and Dog Giggles.

2008-05-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

I know most of you think I'm single, but the truth is I'm not. I have been with someone for three weeks now! It has been the greatest three weeks of my life. You know how I said before I couldn't sleep because I just couldn't? I lied. We have been making sweet love 24/7 for the past three weeks. I have lost another 85 pounds because if this. Screw diets, just bone a chick for three weeks!

We were spotted walking our new dog pat in the park.

I know, I have lost alot of weight. She has too. I'm beginning to get worried, I mean .3% body fat is good right? Skinny family is skinny.

Anyways, I remembered I had a laptop that I bought. Silly me. I guess I bought it to do papers on. Whatever. Papers are overrated, my professor doesn't even grade them. She just reads them. What a selfish jellyfish. Jellyfish blow. Before I continue do they sting? bite? pinch? wtf. I have no idea. Thats why they blow. To make it interesting lets say they tickle. So when I was a kid I was swimming in Florida in the gulf of taco and here comes Mr. Jellyfish all trying to be cool and what not. I think I saw some bling bling too, it happened so fast Its a blur. So basically he "tickled" my dick. ( told you it would make it interesting ) Talk about pain. I have never hit the ocean again. Angry fish was Angry.

Yoohoo. WOW I love this stuff. I could get drunk on this stuff. I would make love to this stuff if I could. Sorry no pics on that. I know. I'm sorry but I just can't do it. I bought it at this scary gas station that I had never seen before. Like it was a ghost gas station! ( owowow ) The people inside looked like zombies, but I think they were just Indian. The second I buy it and get in my car It was a bitch to open. I guess they put the cap inbetween Rosie O'donald and a chair and make her sit on it. That would smash anything. Anything. So I'm driving home in my sweet blue freshly washed Civic. Out of freakin nowhere a bird decides to not fly away but instead fly right on my windshield. Talk about lol. I had to stop because I'll be honest, I couldn't stop laughing, and the blood and feathers were blocking my view of the street. Which is important I think. Now I have a cool red tint to my car. HOW COOL IS THAT? Cool car is cool.

I have some papers to write, me being a cheap ass I'm not going to print them out for tomorrows class. I'm just gonna put them on my 4gig flash and print them at school. I say 4gig flash and not just flash drive because have you ever used a 4gig flash drive? Its heaven. The succulent black finish on the casing makes it just adorable! The storage is just insane. I have random shit from all year on there and only have used 1 gig. That means if I wanted to I could hack into the government database, steal all of their archives AND some porn for Brently. To top it off I could still store my papers due the next day. Talk about a great product! Cool device is cool.

I'm off to build me an iron suit and become a "superhero". After I wash my car tomorrow. Damn birds.

***Moved from previous blog***

Geese Smiles, Cracker Tears, and Gas Giggles.

2008-05-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

I'm getting angry at gas prices. Yeah, they are cheap compared to other places but still. Russia and all the top gas companies need to suck it and go to mars or something. I'm sure the bros on mars will be interested in gasoline. I want to send the head chef captain ceo dude in russia a box. This box will be very colorful and have an arrangement of carefully placed polka dots(honestly is that how you spell...that? wtf. No wonder I'm dyslexic). Then I will tape a card on the top of this beautiful box. It will say something like "It's not the same without you" or "Get well soon". Those always seem to work. Then when he opens this beautiful box one of those punching gloves on a spring will come out of freakin no where and dominate his oil drivin face. He will cry for days. Not from the pain, but because in that card I promised chocolate. I get this? There was no chocolate in the box! Just the glove thing. Jeez I'm an asshole. That will show them whos boss.

Whats with animal crackers? When I was a kid I used to like make cool animal noices and bite off the head of an innocent rhino. That wasn't nice, but it sure was fun. Could this be the cause of school violence? I think it might be. I mean, look where I'm at now? I'm in a gang, killed four people, and cops don't know shit bout my rims. This all gets linked back to my obsession to biting body parts from the innocent animal crackers when I was a kid. I think I just solved why people hate instead of love. Don't steal my hypothesis peeps, I came up with it first.

The refresh button. Why must I click it three times a minute? WHY ARE YOU SO TEMPTING?? Sure, mines green with a white background. That's pretty impressive. It also has cool arrows going two different directions. Sweet. Why most my mouse always click the button? I'm not sure. Ok, I know why its because I imagine the refresh button as being a pedophile and my mouse is my fist of furry. So when I click refresh what I'm really doing is punching pedophiles. Right? Right.

What does POS mean? I have been on the internets for about eight years and pos has always and I mean ALWAYS been piece of shit. I'm watching msnbc and they have a special on texting and they go "l.o.l. also known as laughing out loud" then they get to the good part. "P.o.s." Wait just a second. Right here is when I started busting up laughing because Chris Hanson or who ever was talking is about to say piece of shit on msnbc right? WRONG. "parents over shoulder". Um, hello? What the flying goose is this? Parents over shoulder? What are we seven and cant just hide the 1" screen from your moms eyes? Jesus, come on youngins just start running if what you're talking about doesn't fly with your parents. You have legs, use them. Don't change a lingo word into something else. Kids make me angry. Then they talk about how students are putting lingo in their papers? lol. I do that all the time for the funny. I mean, back in highschool days when at the end of the day it really didn't matter. I'd do the side smiley too. I loved that one. :) Then again, I could have cared less about my grades in highschool. Yeah, I'm a lame ass I know. By 2015 pos will turn into Pirates on steriods. Mark my words.

Speaking of geese. I love them so much. They will destroy the world in a few generations. We as humans are becoming weak, and they're only getting smarter. Just the other day I saw one shit on the sidewalk with such precision I think it smiled. That my friends is some evolutionary history in the making. Tomorrow I wouldn't be suprised if one invents the light bulb. They're the most hated animal in the world. They hate everything walking and hiss at you for no reason. Is it because I'm white every goose hisses at me when I'm walking to class? I think so. Yeah, btw (butter tomato waffles) there is a stream that goes through my campus. Kinda cool but it attracts pos (parents over shoulder) geese everywhere. I bet they didn't think that one through in 1886. Were geese even around back then? Whatev.

I got tired at 10 oclock tonight. I was in the mood to chat with a friend but it's been like a month since I got the feeling of being tired before 3 am. So I took advantage of it hopped my shiny butt into bed. What a horrible choice. It was two hours of acid trip dreams, one where everyone was naked and we were throwing table salt at each other. Did you know you can feel pain in dreams? Yeah. So I get up thinking its like 5am. Oh its midnight, awesome -_- I took a freakin nap at 10pm. I blame the geese.

Never regret people. Even though I had a horrid acid trip dream for two hours I don't regret it one bit. How often do you get to see a toothbrush with arms dancing in front of you? Only like once a month I know, AND I basically took acid without taking acid. How awesome is that? Maybe thats why I'm just that amazing and sober at life. Then again I sleep to dream not sleep to sleep.

Sometimes I wish some people would just stop being themselves and at least show some respect.
Oh right pictures.. um its late, my hair is kinda blah so here, my old cat.

***moved from previous blog***

Bear Smiles, Vitamin Tears, and Tide Giggles.

2008-05-09T17:12:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep. I haven't for about three weeks. It's so rad. Two research papers, one being a 10 page of SUCK, the other being easy cheesy. Four short stories, two exams, and alot of redbull. Thats been my life for three weeks now. I go to bed around 4-5am, wake up at 7 and drive through corn fields to my college. I get home around noon and take a sweet nap. I feel like my two year old sister, only instead of crying I moan with agony when I wake up. I yell for someone to bring me food, cursing profusely. Ok I don't curse, but you get the picture. Sadly I'm the only one home and have to get up and make something for myself. Life isn't fair I tell you! I need a dolphin to be my slave. I'll have to teach it to walk some how, maybe robot legs.

The above is my daily cycle of living. Extreme huh? In two weeks thats going to change. I move back home in Missouri. Where its even more extreme. I can't wait. I'd rather live in India with no internet then here in corn fields. If I see another cowboy hat, or boots I'm jumping off a...bench. :)

Honestly, cowboy hats used to be cute to me. Straw hats too, they used to be so adorable on a girl. Probably because they were a rare find. Now its cowboy hats everywhere I look. Its not adorable at all now. I sigh walking the hallways now. I mean, why are they wearing them? I don't see any horses, or cows anywhere. Is it some country scene? That sure is an odd scene. I guess it makes them feel good about themselves. Which is cool with me I guess. Good thing I'm leaving soon.

With my late night studies I have become addicted to energy drinks. I mean, I have always been addicted to them. Extreme parties just aren't the same without energy drinks. It's not the same now. I might have taurine in my blood. I'm biologically dependent on this stuff. It's so rad. I got bored of my usual redbull. So I picked up some cheap "Red Jak" or what I now call "Red Crap". Also "Vitamin Energy" or what I now call "Vitamin Crapergy". I think thats a word... The point is this stuff sucks some serious poon. Red Jak tastes like old cherries rotting under a cherry tree. With weird spots on them, maybe aids, or maybe sunspots I couldn't decide at the time. Vitamin Energy made by Vitamin Water is just gross. I got the fruit punch flavor. I'm not sure if you could call purple pixy stix a fruit, because thats just what it tastes like. That and watery cola, maybe some ass in there as well.

With all that being said you would think I didn't drink it? HA, wrongo. I sucked every last drop outa those horrible energy drinks. I have a problem guys :( I'm like a coke addict licking coke off the floor. I needed the taurine and yummy Vitamin B!!1!! Also because I went on a massive hardcore diet and I can eat anything and not care. Anything.
Also, I know my middle finger hand is weird. I couldn't do it right. I have like 20 pictures ( thanks sports mode! ) that all sucked. I had to google " middle finger FU" just to see if thats what it looked like. I don't possition my fingers in that arrangement that much anymore. It's not natural for me. FORGIVE ME.
I blame my bed. It's a sweet bed, it wasn't cheap either. It sucks you in, not good for multiple people ( meow ). Your hands sink in and your ass goes down to the floor. Aparently thats supposed to be the best way to sleep. A bed sucking you under to the depths of hell. Right.. You can see it over my left shoulder. It's a sweet bed huh? Her name is Amy. We have been together for almost five months. She's been good to me, other then the depths of hell part.

Ignore the hat. My hair dryer wasn't working this morning so my due wasn't epic like it normally is.

Ok I lied, I don't use a hair dryer. I haven't showered in days.

jk thats gross.....

It's been like a week.

Whats with tide? You know the detergent? For some reason I have a huge BOX of it in my room. It was under my desk. I just found it after five months living here. I had to have bought it, but I can't remember. wtf. Maybe it just grew there? Weird. It smells SO. GOOD. I normally don't use powder stuff for my detergent. I use liquid stuff, I think the one with the soft bear on it. Thats why I bought it too because he/she looked nice. I sniffed the hell outa that box for like an hour after I got home today. It was addicting. Again, I felt like a coke addict. Only instead of sniffing your dirty clothes for the possible chance of some coke being in the pockets I sniffed tide. Sadly it didn't go up my nose, if only!

I love you Tide. Marry me.

Look at that facial hair! You're a BEAR JOSHUA! WATCH OUT CAMPERS JOSHUA IS HUNGRY...

Aren't we cute?

Harold and Kumar.
Wow what a great movie. I watched it at home, on some Japanese black market site. I could see the back of peoples heads. It was epic. The lighting was off, but I could figure out most parts that were dark. One scene you get to see some massive pubic hair and also a dick. I couldn't see the dick, but by the looks of that hair even in gamma 2 black It was probably dirty, and might have smelled bad. Just a guess though.

I'm going to go surf the net. I gots some sweet moves I have been working on bros! Hopefully no sharks eat me.

***moved from previous blog***