Cherry Smiles, Vista Tears, and Friendship Giggles

Candy. Candy. Candy.

God I love candy, If you're a dentist ------> FUCK OFF. I don't want to hear your bullshit about how bad candy is for your teef. It's a myth. We get it. Your just working for the government. Candy is probably considered a drug to them. It should be too. Dont you feel fuzzy and see flying elephants everywhere when you take a bite of a chocolate rabbit? I know I do. Lets not forget the erection even girls get when they combine nerds AND pop rocks. Out of this world.

I was never big into candy growing up. Probably because I was just too awesome at the time. I'm not really sure why I didn't like candy. I know when I was a fat fuck I LOVED candy. I bathed in candy, drank candy, and even dated candy. Don't ask, I was fat. I needed some company one night. Her name was ruth. Now I love candy, I can't get enough of it. The sweet taste of chocolate drizzling down my chest... MMM.. Oh wait... Fuck... I mean, down my throat. MMM. Chocolate is probably my favorite type of sweets, besides my body. I'm pretty sure this halloween I'm going to knock some kids the fuck out! They shouldn't even have candy, its bad for their teef right? Right. So I should have it instead and take adorable pictures of myself swimming in it. Perfect plan.

Speaking of fat. I want a fat girlfriend. My bff PROVED to me that a fat chick would be the perfect girlfriend. My heart sank with every logical explanation coming out of her mouth... awww... It was magical. First, you would never have to pay for dinner. She would obviously eat more than you so it would only be rude for her not to pay. When I get an eggroll and she gets the whole fucking chicken truck, that really pisses me off. I'm not paying for her fatness. Thats honestly all I'm paying for. To support her fat ass. Gas prices too expensive for you? Fuck it! Date a fat chick! Need to run to the store real quick? Flip that ho on her side and start rolling. Downhill prefered but with all her fat rolls I'm sure it just acts like a tank track. Problem solved!

I know... fat chicks have feelings too... I should be nice to them, afterall they ARE humans just like me. I know its hard to see through all that fat and hair but they really are human. Still, its pretty easy to seem "effectionate" towards a fat fuck. All you do is just offer them cake, or give them a bite of your candy bar. Problem solved. Another problem would be sex. But GUYS!!! Listen, just dont have sex them them. Problem solved! go bone their hot sister, or your co worker. your fat girlfriend wont care because they know they suck at life and dont deserve someone like you. ITS A WIN WIN GUYS!!! You get everything. I could go on, but the internet has a weight limit. Just saying the word "fat" adds 100 gigs to the internet harddrive located in Britney spear's vagina.

Cute Smiles, Wasted Tears, and Shark Giggles

LOL

I didn't know my blog could bring hate on someone. I never would have guessed I was offensive and capable of causing such strong emotions. However, this wont stop me. Now I know my powers and I'm only going to get better, stronger, and faster. Soon I'll make fat chicks cry across the nation! I CAN'T WAIT. jk, they have enough to deal with. You know.. being fat and all.. I find out some awesome news today by a good friend of mine and I just have to thank him for keeping me posted. To think, I, Joshua, adorable face.. could effect someone with his writings? As a writer, that is still a noob I take this as a complete compliment. Even though it pissed someone off, it's still pretty awesome. So yeah, fuck my blog.

DINOSAURS

Dinosaurs are some serious fucks sometimes. Just the other day I was walking and minding my own business and this FUCK came out of no where. He was obviously on some sort of drug and high as pee. Yes, pee. He mumbled something of the lines of dkeo, efiei eieid eiepakk seaoadlw ekdncl jewkdje. Which I just figured he wanted my body and was complimenting me. He was about 80, which is old. So I didn't take his assumed offer. I'm not a whore afterall. He got closer to me and went to touch me. NO OLD PERSON/DINOSAUR/WRINKLE DICK IS GOING TO TOUCH MY PERFECT SKIN. Nope. Never. So I matrixed his ass and dodged like a true Night Elf Rogue. I then became really scared, like 13 year old girls feel when they meet "Tom" from myspace in the walmart parking lot.. Yeah, I turned around and headed towards a group of people. I figured if he was going to rape me I should at least put on a show for the others around. I know, I'm a sweetie.

ATTRACTIVE CLONES

So I can't decide on names for my future children. It has to be epic and badass. Because, well.. I'm epic and badass. Josh just doesn't fit me though. I need something like "MISSLELAUNCHER". Something like that is SO epic and badass. However, I couldn't name my child that. That would just be another reason for someone to put him in their trunk... :( What about "ULTIMATE". That's a start. I just can't find something that will suite him/her well. I can't just pick a name out of a hat. Fuck that. Really, fuck a hat. See, I'm going to marry the most gorgeous girl on the planet. I wont even let love cloud my judgement either. I know this will happen because when she sees me, she will want me. SHE will want to hang with me, SHE will lust over me. I WONT EVEN DO ANYTHING. That's how freakin awesome I am. So when we have babies we will know they will be adorable. I'm carrying some strong and beautiful sperm and she has the cuties and most hardcore eggs you could think of. So I KNOW my babies will be awesome. Has to suck for fuglies :(

ITCH

I've decided I need to lay low for awhile. My attraction is just too much for this world. I'm starting to hate myself. With these powers (ultimate beauty) I HATE how I make everyone near me jealous. It's a hard life being adorable. I can't help it though, I'm not even trying. If I tried I'm pretty sure that would equal a nuclear explosion. So I dont, because I respect others around me. Even though I make them hate themselves :( I'm really sorry guys and girls. I can't help it :( Stop emailing me for tips. I was dipped in icecream and slushie when I was inside my mother.

lol Smiles, Onion Tears, and Paint Giggles

Vulgar kthx.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV24FN4rDzE

Watch this video, the guy with long hair is SO dreamy. He was actually my cherry popper when realizing I can point out guy's attractiveness. Because I had to. His eyes, his smile, his voice.. I could eat him up! -_- 00:42-00:55 for example. Amazing. I'd hit it, if I was into that kind of stuff. BUT IM NOT! 1:29-1:50 he is also an angel. Oh, and pause it at 1:38... oh man, OH MAN!!!! Stunning. Anyways...

I'm fucking heated. I'm getting tired of having to explain myself to everyone. Really, it's annoying as FUCK. I want to go strangle a tiny homeless walrus right now. Those fucks piss me off too. All they do is sit on ice and chill. Literally. They CHILL all day. It's bullshit, I want to chill all day but I CANT. I'm too busy being attractive, and being attracted to both sexes. Yeah I said it. No, I'm not gay assholes.

I'll try and explain for you cock hats. If I see a guy that's attractive, I WILL point it out. This doesn't mean I want to go down on him, or let him polish my bat. No, that's gross. I don't even like the penis. I like mine because, well.. It's my penis. I give gifts to my penis, I massage my penis, and I even talk to my penis. So what? It's my penis. It's different when it comes to another guy's penis though. Do you really think I want to talk to some doods penis over mine? FUCK no. If I'm going to talk to a penis, I'm going to talk to MY penis. Probably because its a better penis than any penis out there. Know why? Becuase its connected to my body.

See? I don't even want to be around another penis that isn't mine. I'm thankful enough I get to see mine every morning. You would feel the same if you had my penis. Don't take that the wrong way you fuck, its mine and noone else but my future girlfriend will see/touch/dance with it. Sorry. So when I admit that a guy is attracted I'm just stating the truth. If a guy is physically attractive. Why wouldn't I point it out? That would just be rude. But for some of you fucks you think that makes me gay. Fuck you. Ef your shit hard.

You see, I love women. I think they're the greatest creation on this planet besides myself. I also like what women have. I wont get into details. I know kids read this so I'll just say it starts with a B and ends with ies. Actually kids dont read this, at least I hope not. I curse, and talk about things kids really shouldn't be hearing. So I'll just say it. B..abies! I love babies, and women can make babies. Babies rock, their like tiny drunk people. They're cute too! Like me!!!!

I made a chart to help illistrate what I'm talking about. Basically a guy can be attracted to women and men. Just the level of attraction is much higher towards women then men as you can see. Actually my attraction towards women (not fat chicks however) is infiniti. Compared to men, which just kind of goes in a circle below my erection line. You can also see by the chart that Palin is just an awkward ho. However, she does recieve an erection. Lucky her! So you see, I'm not attracted to men... If I were, it would be above the ERECTION LINE!! CANT YOU SEE?!??!?! PROOF RIGHT THERE IM AS STRAIGHT AS ANY OTHER STRAIGHT GUY.

Connect the dots bitch!

Anyways, really. Honestly. Seriously. I'm a cutie. You viewers cant even argue this with me because I know whats true. Please, email me with logic and examples of how I'm not attractive.... Oh wait you can't because I'm THE attractive. Yes, "the attractive" you fuck cock.

See? YOU SEE THAT? FUCK! I KNOW! Even on my cellphone I look freaking incredible. Usually cellphones make people look all pixel-y and gross. Not I! I make pixels look like a mother fucking LCD! Yeah, I win.

Volleyball Smiles, Young Tears, and Oh Man Giggles

SO TRUE

Also note, paragraph markers aren't working.. sorry...

Good god, I want to get all political but at the same time I dont. This isn't politics anymore. I don't understand why even one person wants to vote for a McLame-Palin Ticket.

I'm going to talk about Palin only here. McLame WILL be dying of old age if he gets into office so it really wont matter. I'm wasting negative insults on someone who wont even be President for more than a week. So palin, I hope you're ready for this dump truck full of FU. I'm driving, and I have a full tank of gas bitch!

Did you know Palin is a female? YEAH I KNOW WHO KNEWW??? She can make babies. She can produce very gross milk. She can play in the WNBA. She doesn't have a penis! ITS CRAZY I'M JUST NOW FIGURING THIS OUT RIGHT? I say this because everyone I talk to, or hear on TV always points this out. No shit? Did those people on TV go to college just so they could point out the obvious? When I see someone bleeding on the streets (happens alot), do I ask them if they're bleeding or tell my friend that guys bleeding? No. I don't. I run away. I run like I have never ran before. I cant get involved in another stabbing. I said it was self defense but I don't know if the judge really believed me.... Well this IS NOT the point.

A few days ago I was asked "So what do you not like about Palin?". I said, "Because she's a woman". hahaha It was SO good. You should have been there, the guy was like "you're a sexist!111!!!"... I told him why Palin is such a retard and why she can't be our VP. That reason would be her kids duh! She needs to take care of her little ones! She is a mother don'cha know! She has a family to raise! Obviously she fails at that seeing as her whore daughter is now a prego. Which btw is HOT. I wont get into that though....She just wont be able to manage her time. Being a mother of a family of whores is VERY difficult! How can she teach them the ways of the whore if she's busy with the nations problems?? THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE LITTLE ONE!!!11!1!

Lets not forget she just loves killing animals. I'm calling PETA! You're going to get in trouble Palin! Oh, YOU wait! Trophy hunter is pretty hardcore, I wont lie. Having an endangered seal head on my wall would be SO sweet. Or just the feeling of killing one. That would make me so powerful and popular! BUT WAIT!! Palin will be VP soon! Then she will have to quit being a trophy hunter!! Being a fellow trophy hunter she can't just quit. She said she would never quit. Actually you cant. The association that supports trophy hunters takes your soul when you join. You sign in your own blood too. She can't just do both trophy hunting and being the VP equally well. Shes a woman! oh snap lol

I watched the dumb debates. Biden destroyed her. Basically he gave statistics on whatever he was talking about and then Palin just agreed or repeated what he said and concluded the opposite. She just isn't smart. She is still trying to connect with the voters so to speak. Every chance she gets she talks about hockey, or how she is one of us. She's balls deep in trying to relate to us. EF. I don't want someone like me being the prezzy. I really dont. I want someone that knows wtf he's doing and can get the job done. Palin, go govern the 47th smallest populated state and say thats experience. Oh wait, you already have :( :(

I dont even really like politics anymore. So many people feel so strongly about what they believe in and refuse to change their fews. Which is fine I guess, If everyone just agreed with each other nothing good would get done. At the same time political debates solve nothing. Political conversations on TV doesn't change anything. It's just a battle that can't be won. So thats why I don't really get "into" it as much as other people do. I just state why Palin is a woman and McLame is old. I think I do a good job of that.

Rain Smiles, Sand Tears, and Blue Giggles

I'm going to generalize and stereotype like the biznatch that I am. I'm just warning you. So dont email me, or message me I'm generalizing or stereotyping and that I'm stupid. Because I know I am, and I'm proud of it. So stfu.

I love college kids who have NO clue what's going on. What I mean is, I do. I know what life is about and if you want to debate with me I'll just punch you in the face with logic and soberness. Really, I know everything, how to act, what to believe in, and whats right and wrong. However, I'm not God. That wouldn't be fair to God now would it?

College kids I'm referring to are basically the drunks. The guys who dress up as undercover douche bags and go to parties to get drunk. That IS their goal. Not to have fun, not to meet a girl (which WILL happen because those girls there will always put out..), they go to get drunk. First off, why the FUCK would someone want to get drunk? Really? I have no idea. Being drunk, unable to move half of your body, slurred speech, no way in hell of getting an erection, and blurred vision.. Those are no reasons to get drunk, yet so many college kids do it. Its because they want attention. They want their friends to text/call them in the morning and say, "omg dude you were SOO wasted, I put my penis in your mouth and you didn't do a thing heheheh". Yes, they're all gay flaming homosexuals too. I love gays, I'm not gay but I support their opinion.

I have alot of friends that end up in this desire to get drunk stage of their lives and it just makes zero sense. Actually I dont. I'm not one to become friends with that...type of human species. I'm not a moron. Anyways..For the girls that read this and are clueless. Guys like this are only there at parties because they want an easy fuck. I'm sorry, they aren't there to just hang out because they're your long time friend. No. Fuck that. They want to jump on top of you when you both are drunk then in the morning tell all their friends. Its just a way of life for douche bags, thankfully girls are just as much the problem as the guys.

Girls... I'm not a girl (I had no idea until this morning) so I can only go by word of mouth and observations of society. I'm awesome at everything I do so listen up. I'm going to be right about everything, screw you.

The girls who dress up to go on a Thursday/Friday/Saturday night. Lets add Sundays too, and the other days because well, thats how you ho's roll! ANY NIGHT IS A PARTY NIGHT TEHE. F you. When I say dress up, I don't mean modest dress or T-shirt to feel comfortable in. I'm talking HOOKER clothings made by other hookers. The super low cut tops, plus the low cut dress so your clam is showing REALLY makes you look like a good human being. No, it doesn't. Yeah, you fail. I was at the gas station getting a drink and behind my friend and I were some girls that fit this catagory of slut perfectly. Girls, you would think if you put on those whore outfits guys would look at you. Well you're wrong. I couldn't look at you in fear of catching an STD. Do you know what guys WILL look at you and probably complement you? Douchebags, and your description of "assholes" or "jerks". Yeah, you put that shit on yourself girls... sorry.

Why do girls go to parties? I don't know. Unless they really are that big of a whore and they ALSO want to have sex with a stranger, or long time class friend. That really makes you look good. I lied, it makes you look like a SLUT. The guy too, don't think I'm pulling a double standard. Boys are just as a slut than you're. Just you girls get called it more, oh snap lol. Basically, if you go to a "frat" party, a friends party with lots and lots of alcohol your a douche bag, or a failure with a vagina. This is nothing new, everyone knows this but those people. Its awesome. They probably come up with reasons to make themselves feel better. I love life.

I should note I'm talking about every week addicts. Not like once in a while "curious" party goers.

I guess that brings me to greek life. WTF is it for? A sense of belonging? F that. I can belong elsewhere with my ....friends! They dont charge me fees, make me go to meetings, and host dances that are probably douche bag heaven. This is a sorority point of view though, as I dated someone that was in one so I know a bit about it. As far as the frat side goes, they just want to drink and live the "frat guy" life. Which from movies they have found to be "awesome". Which in reality makes them an even bigger douche bag. A greek one! They say they're there for the academics and all that shit. BS. Its all about the parties, stfu.

The dry frat/sororities I respect. They are honest to their word and DO focus on academics. I'd love to be in one. THATS true friendship, a brotherhood, a sisterhood... A true friendship, or relationship with alcohol and fakeness is pointless. Haven't you kids watched Dr.Phil before? UGH!

This type of college scene is bullshit. College isn't about getting drunk and being with your brothers or sisters (greek). Its about academics and learning. It is a SCHOOL after all. Its about learning who you are, and what you want to be in your life. I guess if you REALLY want to be someone that must count on a drug to be happy thats up to you... Yeah, that has to suck. It actually makes you a failure at life. Yes. I have the right to say that, because I'm a winnar. I'm not a failure. I'm not against drinking either, I had a few beers the other night... I just dont let a drug control my happiness. I have had a freakin blast banging hookers, and stealing from banks SOBER. Its much more enjoyable when I can remember what I did!

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