Cherry Smiles, Vista Tears, and Friendship Giggles

Candy. Candy. Candy.

God I love candy, If you're a dentist ------> FUCK OFF. I don't want to hear your bullshit about how bad candy is for your teef. It's a myth. We get it. Your just working for the government. Candy is probably considered a drug to them. It should be too. Dont you feel fuzzy and see flying elephants everywhere when you take a bite of a chocolate rabbit? I know I do. Lets not forget the erection even girls get when they combine nerds AND pop rocks. Out of this world.

I was never big into candy growing up. Probably because I was just too awesome at the time. I'm not really sure why I didn't like candy. I know when I was a fat fuck I LOVED candy. I bathed in candy, drank candy, and even dated candy. Don't ask, I was fat. I needed some company one night. Her name was ruth. Now I love candy, I can't get enough of it. The sweet taste of chocolate drizzling down my chest... MMM.. Oh wait... Fuck... I mean, down my throat. MMM. Chocolate is probably my favorite type of sweets, besides my body. I'm pretty sure this halloween I'm going to knock some kids the fuck out! They shouldn't even have candy, its bad for their teef right? Right. So I should have it instead and take adorable pictures of myself swimming in it. Perfect plan.

Speaking of fat. I want a fat girlfriend. My bff PROVED to me that a fat chick would be the perfect girlfriend. My heart sank with every logical explanation coming out of her mouth... awww... It was magical. First, you would never have to pay for dinner. She would obviously eat more than you so it would only be rude for her not to pay. When I get an eggroll and she gets the whole fucking chicken truck, that really pisses me off. I'm not paying for her fatness. Thats honestly all I'm paying for. To support her fat ass. Gas prices too expensive for you? Fuck it! Date a fat chick! Need to run to the store real quick? Flip that ho on her side and start rolling. Downhill prefered but with all her fat rolls I'm sure it just acts like a tank track. Problem solved!

I know... fat chicks have feelings too... I should be nice to them, afterall they ARE humans just like me. I know its hard to see through all that fat and hair but they really are human. Still, its pretty easy to seem "effectionate" towards a fat fuck. All you do is just offer them cake, or give them a bite of your candy bar. Problem solved. Another problem would be sex. But GUYS!!! Listen, just dont have sex them them. Problem solved! go bone their hot sister, or your co worker. your fat girlfriend wont care because they know they suck at life and dont deserve someone like you. ITS A WIN WIN GUYS!!! You get everything. I could go on, but the internet has a weight limit. Just saying the word "fat" adds 100 gigs to the internet harddrive located in Britney spear's vagina.