Ever just wanted to fuck something really bad?
I do. Do you know what it is? ME.
You bet your sweet little ass I'm being cocky right now. If you have a problem with it you know the drill. GTFO.
Yeah, I'm making a name for myself. I recently had an epiphemy and it's changed me. For one, I think better about myself as a person. Probably because I'm the coolsome person in the world. See what I did there? I combined cool and awesome to form coolsome. I'm just that good. I'm not even making this up. I was walking down the street and an old lady DIED right infront of me. I'm sure she was thinking, "Holy fuck, I would strip that kid so fast with my teef." That would blow ANYONES mind regardless of age. Her death could have also been caused by the bus that hit her grandchild right infront of her. Then she started screaming, "OMG sadface I'm having a heartattack". We all know that translates to, "I want your body Josh". Right? Right.
I also have been swimming for awhile now and talk about a babe magnet. As soon as I open the doors from the lockers I hear my name being shouted. Like I'm some star (because I'm a star). It feels incredible. Then in slow motion I dive into the lap lane and rage laps like no other. I can't hear much but I'll just assume the girls are talking about how well I move my body. I hear chanting from time to time too. Again, I can't hear much because water is hitting my anvil and making it difficult for my ear drum to recieve sound via sound waves. Still, I KNOW what they're thinking, and it makes me happy I have fans. Yeah, I swim in a rehabilitation pool so everyone there besides me are either really old, super super fat, or mentally challenged :(
Last week I was taking a shower like normal and discovered something. I'm a BOY! ok no... I discovered my body. After the silky, white shampoo dripped past my chest and I was super clean I got out to dry off and couldn't help but look at myself in the mirror. Well, long story short I was late to class. Three hours late. It was like a car accident only it was beautiful, like a rainbow. I had to look. I couldn't help myself. I'm going to have to start wearing ancient war bindings to keep my clothes on. Ladies be careful, if you undress me too quickly you WILL die. Ever hear about death by orgasm? Yeah. Only for me, it would be multiple orgasms that wouldn't stop until you had no strength left in your body. Then your heart would explode into millions of happy faces. After that your lungs would thrust past your ribs and turn into beautiful angel wings and you would fly to heaven. True story.
Did you know our economy fundamentals are strong?...........................................
LOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOLLOL
That's fucking funny.
Fuck you McCain, you're an idiot. Really, go fuck a firetruck ladder. Ask for them to extend it 50 feet past your huge anus of a face. That would make me feel better. When will you learn McCain? You're an idiot. Just stop wanting to be the prez. I don't care if you were a POW, you put yourself in that situation. Don't cry to me about it or the media and want sympothy. The only sympothy you will get from me is a nice slap in the face via my fiery dick. I really could care less about your past McCain. Please, go ahead and stick to your word that the fundamentals of our economy are strong. While making a new definition of fundamentals regarding the economy.. Yeah, really smooth fuck nut. The american worker? Are you serious? You could have said, "I'm a giant moron, my bad". After your speech and everyone would have understood. Because... How do I put this... Oh, you're a giant moron.
I went to a open house thing to meet my little brothers teacher and a possible future girlfriend. He's in the 5th grade. I gave a few girls my number but they don't have cellphones yet. Whatever. I realized something while I was there though. WHORES WHORES WHORES. I wanted to go up to some of the parents of future whores and tell them just that.
"You're daughter is going to be a whore in high school, most likely start smoking to try and 'fit in' with her friends. Which will then lead to weed. Becuase we all know weed makes you cool. After that she will advance, or Devance(?) to alchohol. You know, the lame ass high school parties with underage everything, including penis sizes. She will then bang, or blow every guy she sees from that point on. If you in anyway brought this up she would blame it all on you. Which we all know isn't your fault. Your daughters are whore, there's nothing you guys could do about it."
I wont even get into what will come of her in college. They're fucked by then. Frat boys? OMGWTFBBQSAUCEFUCKDAMN ORGY FOR THAT GIRL RIGHT THERE. I bet little Sally can't wait for that.
Talk about starting young... I seriously had to close my eyes the whole time in fear of me going to jail. I can see parents in this generation are going to FUCK life up. "Mom, can I wear this very revealing outfit? All the other girls are. I want to fit in sadface". "Of course dear, I used to wear stuff like that all the time! tehehe!". Fuck you. I GLANCED over at this girl and I felt my soul burning inside me. What if I looked at her for over a second? I couldn't imagine it.
As some of you kids know, especially the pedo's, I'm only 19. I don't really enjoy these years. 18-22 years that is. MAYBE more, but hopefully everyone around me have grown the fuck up by then. I guess it varies for some. I just want to fall asleep and wake up in five years. The whole college "scene" is just fake as hell and boring as fuck. Maybe if I was 21 and was able to have a few drinks with my close friends it would be some what better. But the whole "HEY JOSH I DRANK SOOO MUCH LAST NIGHT LOL IM SO STUPID HEHEHE" Is getting old. McCain old.
I really want to upload a picture of my face... I'm just too lazy right now to get up and connect my camera to my laptop. Damn. Sorry.
I have to go. I'm hungry. Hungry for LOOOOOVE. rofl no.
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