Freakin A kids, what a weekend. Shiiiit, what a Saturday! I went to this place called "celebration city" for my mothers hospital picnic. Basically it's a once a year get together of all the families of the employees at this amusement park. Yes, there were LOTS of fat people and crying babies. How did you guess?!?!
Its in Branson, MO. Horrible city if you aren't from Missouri and don't know of it. Lots of people know about Branson and think its a wonderful place to go. Usually just old people think that way. Its actually really lame shit. Yes, lame shit. Shit could be freaking awesome, but in this case its lame. Reason why I call it lame shit. Anyways, Celebration City confuses the fuck out of me. What the FUCK are they celebrating? THEY DONT SAY!
It pisses me off. The whole time I was there I was looking for signs that said what they were celebrating. Someones death? Someones life? A war? Virginity? Sex of the beach? Seriously, the possibilities are endless. I had no idea and there were no signs anywhere to tell me. Could have been animal sex? Maybe, I mean I usually look away when I see dogs "playing catch". It's just not polite for me to look while they "dig for gold". I know if I was playing "bedtime tag" I wouldn't want people watching. It would ruin everything for me. My mojo would become NOjo... So I TOTALLY understand if a park would want to celebrate such a beautiful act of nature. Probably because everyone looks away and doesn't get a chance to see dogs visiting the "envelope of love"...
It could also be celebrating old people failing at life. I'm about to give up on those old fucks of fun. Mostly because 90% of them hate life and care about noone but themselves. I say this because some old people ROCK. Holy shit do they rock the house. For example, my grandparents are incredible. For one, my grandma makes me the greatest potatoes that she mashes. This forms a new dish called mashed potatoes. They taste so freakin good. Its like mashed orgasms in your mouth. Talk about a good time. I love mashed potatoes. Lets not forget my grandpa. That nuckle head makes fun of everyone just like me. Only he's REALLY vulgar (more vulgar than me..) and for some reason blames almost everything on the mexicans. Which is typical for old people now adays so I still can't officially call him a racist. He's better than that. He blames hitting his toe on the corner of the bathroom sink on Mexicans. Poor mexican people. Always getting blamed for things they didn't do. Sadface.
This isn't the case for the other 90% of old people in this world. FREAKING A THEY ANGRY ME. Yes, angry me. ANGRY. Old people driving is pointless. I could walk, or dry hump the road faster than they drive that huge tank of a car they own. Yes, I can dry hump like a BEAST. Probably as fast as a bear. I'm attending the olympics in 2012. I also dislike them in line to everything. Walmart, gas stations, rides at a theme park, strip clubs, doctors offices, death (OH SNAP, TAKE THAT OLD PEOPLE LOL /hell). Lets not forget when they eat. Especially at buffets. It's so annoying. You get all five senses involved when sitting beside, next to, across, or behind old people eating. It's so gross. First you hear them smack like Paris Hiltons ass on the Dallas Cowboys lockers, then you turn and see the destruction being done. Its like their teef is a blender of fuck that destroy everything in its path. After that you taste it. Yes, you taste it. Usually you dont notice but when you do.... I'm sorry for you. It's a horrible taste. It's like the taste of dirt and lettuce with a touch of fuck. By now your like "WTF MATE" so what I do is punch them in the face. Which is the next sense, touch. Punching old people is a huge stress reliever. Works for me, I'm never stressed. Finally we have smell. Holy god, I dont think they swallow. Ever. So food just stays in their mouths forever and ever ever. Its so gross. When you can smell what the person beside, behind, or across from you is eating you know its a sign they're old. I dont mean good smell of yummy. I'm talking about puke, dirty, salty smells that makes your back pop. It's horrible.
That was a long tangent. Well about the old people being in lines. They're so freakin old and cry basically. They complain and never stfu. I mean, yeah they're dying at a fairly quick rate but that doesn't mean they have to make MY life a nightmare. F them.
So there are alot of old people that fail at being old. Thats why I think "celebration city" is celebrating old people sucking at there job. Which is to prolong their death amirite???
While I was there I road my first rollercoaster/crazy fast swing thing that goes really high and then goes the other way destroying your hair. Whatever those are called... Anyways, yeah I spent the first nineteen years of my life being a big ol' lame ass. I couldn't get myself to ride anything that went over 10 mph. Little girls could have punched me in the face all those years. I deserved it. Mostly because I was missing out! Oh snap was I missing out. The rush of your stomach going out your ass will blow your mind. Maybe not out your ass, but it went somewhere thats for sure. It was incredible. I was told I made some pretty funny facial expressions which I would have to agree with. Being on some of those rides for the first time was comparable to experiencing every childhood christmas morning all at once...naked. YEAH, I KNOW. Incredible. Heck yes my face would express pure enjoyment. I couldn't hide the feeling of being naked.
Ahhh, what a great weekend. I also saw like 50 little kids I wanted to take home and call mine. They were so freakin cute. Wait, does that sound weird? Yeah I think it does. especially on the internet, on a 19 year old guys blog. Which by the way is freakin HOT/adorable/cute/naked. I should explain. I don't want to take these kids home and have my way with them. I'm not the icecream truck driver... I just mean some kids are just adorable and...well they're adorable, what more can I say? I can say that and not be classified as a pedo right?
Shit, doorbell. brb.
Damn, I guess I have to gtfo. The FBI is here and they need to ask me a few questions.
Jk
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