Holy Christmas tree! It's been like twelve years since my last blog. I'm really sorry, actually I'm not sorry at all. I was told I say I'm sorry too much. So FUCK that, I'm proud I missed a few days. [Please don't leave, I'm sorry]
I promise I had good reasons for not posting at least a ":)". I know, I'm selfish. Some pretty epic stuff has happened to me the past few days. Incredible things to be honest. Yep. This isn't a blog about my life. It is, just not all seriousness, lovely stuff. It's more of a bullshit blog so I can't rant about random shit to people I don't know and meet them at the mall and they put me in their van and molest my toes. It's only happened three times but I miss it :( :(
Like take the next paragraph for example. Something that's NOT going in my blog. It's just not the place for it.
I met the most incredible person. The feeling I get when we're around is indescribable. Really, I'm too much of an IDIOT to think of how to explain it. My vocabulary is worsest than Little Jake in my brothers third grade class. I can't help it though. She is just so adorable. I'm sure some of you have felt that way about someone. Your toes ache, chills down your spine, chest shivering, stomach growling... The list goes on what I felt when I first saw her. Now it's less stomach growling and more mouth growling because I'm really a tiger. That's not the point. When I stare in her eyes and imagine us all I can do is smile. Which makes her smile, then she gets mad at me for smiling them I'm like "wtf". Anyways, my new hobby is her, my new motivation is her... shit, my goal in life is her. That's how special she is.
See, that's something thats never going to be in my blog. Nope, it's just too long [thats what she said]. It's too emotional. Emotions are ewwwwww >< You will never see that in my blog again, unless I have to type another example of whats not going to be in my blog for you slow pokes.
Now that that's over with I have some REAL topics for you.
I have a task for you. You know when your ketchup bottle has that stupid ass water shit in it before you use it? So you shake it up to mix it in? Well try shaking that bottle without looking like a complete moron..... Attempt it? Well you failed, because it's impossible. I'm pretty freakin hot, and very talented so you would think I would look sweet doing anything. Including something trivial like shaking a bottle. Nope. Anyone who does looks like a complete retard. "OH NO SHE'S HAVING A SEIZURE!!!!1!!1!11 GOD HELP US ALL!1!" No mom, she's just shaking the bottle. See how that works? Why do restaurants even have bottles in the first place? I'm going to go ahead and say because they want you to look like an idiot. I refuse to shake in public. It's actually against the law in thirty four states. It's considered a felony under the "Forcing strangers to orgasm" law. Sorry folks, I don't want to go to prison. Not yet.
I would take a picture of these bags of fuck but I'm REALLY tired and lazy. What am I talking about? Oh, it's just these tiny fun pack bags of jelly bellys. Some Jelly Bellys are freakin good. I would bang some of those flavors SO fast. However, the scientist of Jelly Bellys also made some "wtf is this shit" flavors. I always have ate Jelly Bellys via labeled box. So I knew what flavor I was about to burst in my mouth. Well they didn't think about that for these bags of suck. Nope. They mixed the yum with "OMGWTFBBQ" flavors.... Um, Jelly Belly people... thanks? Screw you, no. Screw your eye ball via lamp post bitch. What were you thinking? It's like playing russian roulette but with flavors. It makes your tongue want to kill itself and vomit blood. It's just not worth the yum. I had to stop after I ate a "strawberry" then a "grass" right after. Strawberry grass doesn't really taste good. God damn you Jelly Belly.
Ha, no pictures for you. Owned.
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