Monday, July 21, 2008

Slut Smiles, Jesus Tears, and Candle Giggles.

Yeah I said it. SLUT. I'm talking to you Miley Cyrus! I know you read this. Whore. I believe I figured out why girls are so slutty. This is Brand new philosophy that I, Joshua has discovered. So don't take credit for this masterpiece! Ho.


See, when a girl developes shes like, "Hey, you. Why are you growing?". Secretly she talks to them at night. Eventually she gets the idea, "I think I need to show my new growth deformities to someone else. That someone else is obviously the mirror. Then it ends up being that girls best friend. Which is always another girl. Now both girls are like "haha your growth deformity looks funny". See, this is all fine and dandy here. If it stopped, but it doesn't! With the camera, video recording devices, and VCR's girls now network out of the bestfriend zone. Now it's myspace, youtube, and boys playing lego's (which btw they're minding their FREAKING business. They don't want anything to do with your undeveloped deformities.).


This wasn't a problem two hundred years ago. A girls best friend at that time was probably the dairy cow, or the butter thing. So it's just common sense we as a society is just now realizing all the whores. Butter things can't talk.


So there you have it. I have solved the problem. Girls aren't doing anything wrong. They're just trying to show off their growth deformities. Thats it. They aren't being "sexy" or "slutty". They're just innocent bystanders of the growth deformities. Poor girls.


It's different with guys. With guys it's pretty simple. When our spectacular creation developes it's more of a "don't tell anyone or it gets cut off" kind of thing. Which is understandable. Why would you want to show off that? Don't fool yourself, unless you're jewish, or Madonna you have a tiny fellow at that age. Nothing to brag about, if anyone says otherwise they're lying.


New subject, my eyes started shaking after writing that. Now I'm dizzy. My brain is telling me to stop and I'm going to. I like my Brain.


When I grow up... I'm going to be a cloud. Look at those fuckers and tell me they aren't having a blast? YOU CAN'T. I would love to fly, and then shit on someones parade. haha, take that St. Patrick! You can shoot lightning thats very inaccurate but when it hits something living its RADICAL! You can also transform into a bow echo and wtfpwn farms and agricultural things. Killing is never a clouds intentions, they're just the bystanders of once again the growth deformities. DAMN THEM.

What ever happened to the walmart smiley face? He was the shit. Bounces on things, probably never washed his hands after he used the restroom to make it funny. Roll'n back prices like a true American. Boy, I miss that kid. I haven't seen him on a commercial in years. I also don't own a T.V. so maybe I'm just unlucky. I wonder where he's at now? Do you know what? I don't really care. What I do care about is what happens to a smiley face when there is no happyness around? Like, what if he went to go see a movie staring Eddie Murphy where Eddie was a guy who talked to rats and other animals? Sounds like a shit of a movie I know...
Anyways, would he become a sadface? Is he just a face? or is he a happyface? I think it would be funny to take a happyface to a sad places. It would be like guantanamo bay, muhahaha. What if you made him watch a documentary on the holocaust. Then he would just be an asshole to everyone else in the room. Noone could stay smiling after that video. Do you know what? I bet he's a dick to everyone that meets him. I'm going to conclude he was murdered by a viewer who met him in person and figured out how mean Mr. Walmart happyface is.

I came home today and found Mickey mouse raping one of my alien dolls from when I was a kid. NO JOKE! I was able to snap a picture before he ran away to his black van across the street.

Look at this epic picture, it was a paint by number. Holy shit it's spectacular! My place used to be a 50's barbarshop and once I saw it I was in love! We're getting married on the 5th of December this year.

And finally upside down cat says hi.




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