How's it going children? My life is great, and it's going to get better I believe. At least I hope it does!
I'm going to impeach Ronald Mcdonald for pressuring children to be gay clowns. This IS NOT right and it has to be stopped. It's ok that he likes pickles in his trunk but my babies dont. They don't even like the taste of pickles. He's so selfish, Screw you Ronald, screw you.
Anyways, I was at walmart aka the greatest place on earth and I discovered people are morons. Hello? Use the other side of the damn ile fucker. (ile right? the things you walk in? damn I can't spell. I got an F on every bee. gtfo if you don't like it. Google it, I don't care. Asshole.) What's wrong with people now adays? STAY ON YOUR RIGHT. IT"S ACTUALLY REALLY EASY BECAUSE YOU DRIVE THAT WAY EVERYDAY... or do they?!?????. I was minding my own business and out of no where this hooker wanted 30 dollars... oh wait wrong sorry. Out of no where this old lady turned into my invisable lane and just stopped.... right in front of me, like I was the one who should get out of the way. Fuck that. Fuck her. Fuck old people. I sat there and pretended to play with my cellphone until she decided to go around me. Seriously? fuck old people.
Don't try to go down the frozen food section. Nope, screw that. Doors WIDE open, when the box is an inch thick. Way to go eco friendly slut. Do you know how much cold air is released when a door to a FREEZER is open for a minute? which by the way they don't even look before opening. They open the door then say "hunny? Chicken or fish?". I HATE YOU. With multiple doors wide open making the already small ile even smaller it was a pain to go through it. I really wanted some icecream though. Two people smashed into each other. Good god, drama queens from mars. They tapped each other, probably not even noticing they did until the kid in the seat said "mommy, did you hit that person". Then it was "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING", "SUCK A DICK", "BUSH IS A HORRIBLE PRESIDENT". Ok, I made one of those up. They didn't say that. Wifes don't suck dick.... pshh
I get to the register and guess what? A guy with obviously more than 20 items IS IN THE FUCKING 20 ITEMS OR LESS LINE. bitch be lying say WHAT? Yeah. I know. Fuck that guy. So here I am, waiting for this selfish guy to get out of my way so I can pay for the four items I have. Then I can go home and play mario kart all day and but guess what? I didn't think it could get worse but it did. He said it. The bitch said it. "Oh shoot, I left my wallet in the car.". Fuck you sir. Fuck you.
The reason I went to walmart in the first place wasn't to pick up chicks. I know, it's a great place to meet the bestest gurl in town. I haven't had bread in three days now. Meaning, I haven't ate anything. Meaning, I have been hungry for three days. Meaning, I need to stop being a 15 year old girl and EAT SOME MEAT. I figured, I'm on a diet so if I don't eat thats just speeding up the process right? Right. So no harm is done. I had a sandwich and now I'm back to normal. Hungry. I feel sexy now! You can see ALL MY RIBS!!! tehe, come chat with me! theheheehe 1-800-295-5276. I don't bite! tehe.............
When I got to my car I opened my car door and sat in the seat. GOOD GOD was it hot. It wasn't the burning on, more of the "HI, I'm the sun. I'm going to slowing diarrhea heat waves all over your chest" kind of hot. It sucked so hard. I felt shitty, and my hair was going crazy. Humidity isn't a friend to have. I really don't like how my car turns into a toilet for Mr. Sun to do his post taco bell night dumps in. It's really not fair, why not use Mr. Bush's face? or The big mouths of all the fox news people? Why my car? Ugh. Life isn't fair.
To finish off my epic story I was driving home and realized something. Slow drivers are fucking rude. They really are. I'm going five over the speed limit. Which is acceptable by police standards. The max you can speed for them not to give a shit. Well two cars were going about 30 in a 40 zone. Honestly? Suck a banana. Really? 30? why not just walk back home cow. when one car is going slow as shit it's ok, I guess. I can just nova burst right past them in the PASSING lane. However, when two cars are right next to each other going 30 in a 40 zone blocking the PASSING zone I shit bricks. Are you stupid? Do you have mental issues? If you do It's all good, my bad. BUT YOU PROBABLY DONT BECAUSE YOU'RE DRIVING A CAR. Driving isn't just about yourself. It's about hundreds of people working together to not wtf pwn their face in a pole. When a car doesn't go the speed limit and fucks over 30 people that can lead to problems. It's really just not safe for slowpokes to be on the street. Lets call them Bush and impeach them too!
Finally, children, old people, weirdo pedo guys, everyone reading this blog I want you to know something. I got served. It was hardcore too. I feel like the drunk girl at a bachelor party. Yeah, I got fucked. HARD. I will say this. Never fight with watermelon when the opponent has a pineapple. It was like a little kid vs a tank, or a fish vs sand, and even bush vs impeachment. I GOT ROLLED. I was lost for words. On one end, I got served.. no one serves Joshua. On the other end I was realizing how only an incredible, loving, unbelievable, breathe taking person could defeat me, and that person was right in front of me kicking my ass. It was beautiful. My emotions were going wild. It was the SHIT.
Yeah, no pictures. I feel like a cam whore so none this time. Sorry folks. At least I wrote more?
If you don't like it, leave.
If your fingers were your toes and your toes were your fingers what would you do? Think of the possibilities.
oh, aisle. I was close!
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