Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cup Smiles, Sea Men Tears, and Lobster Giggles

If McCain becomes president.





Humans will turn into bananas. We will eat bananas. We will all mate with bananas. It's not a pretty picture. Mcdonalds will become Mcbananas. The Atlantic ocean will become Banana Ocean A. Teachers will teach about bananas. Lunch rooms will have bananas on the menu only. Hair chested men will hunt bananas. Life as we know it will change forever. Bananas will stay bananas though.



I'm in Italy right now on vacation. It's really nice here. It snowed yesterday and it gave Saabi and I a chance to get to know each other more. She's the best. We met on the plane. She lives here! She's Italian! She eats Italian food! It's crazy! We plan on snowboarding down some big mountain. I'm not sure what the name of it is. All I know is it's a huge mother. Literally, This mom had 800 jewish babies and gained over 200,000 tons of "baby fat". Right, like I'm going to believe thats "baby fat". Stupid girl.



Saabi is really a cool person. She likes to eat plants. She doesn't speak english sadly so the language barrier is pretty crippling. Oh well. I'm in love with her. She has alot of hair, it's everywhere haha. You know what they say about them Italian girls... Maybe that's French girls? whatever, this chick has some serious hair. She just made me a gift, it's some sort of stick. I'm not sure what it's used for. It's slimy ugh, and I can see dead ants on it wtf. Thats my Saabi, always being bizarre as fuck. He's in a tree house right now playing with her friends. She loves to climb, that's why I thought it would be a good idea to climb that mother of a mountain. I'm always good at finding things to do with my love.



I must say, Italy has some shitty ass food. I could go in the frozen food section at a gas station and find better crap than this stuff. I haven't seen one damn noodle my whole trip. This is Italy, I WANT TO SEE A NOODLE FROM ITALY. I drank some horrible liquid. The locals called it "fare pipì". It sounded very fancy, and I'm a fancy guy. So I took a shot of that ho and wow it was awful. The locals started laughing at me and even started throwing tomatoes at me. WTFMATE. Later I found out "Fare pipi" was Italian for pee. I knew that drunk prostitute was no good. I stole her bracelet, muahahhaaha bitch.



I took the train to a near by city. I can't read signs so I have no idea what city it is. Only this train was different. IT WAS A SHOE TRAIN!! DRIVEN BY A CAT OMG IT WAS THE SHIT YO. Actually, that never happened. A shoe train is ridiculous. I'm not a rediculous person at all. Pshh. Suck it.

My pills are kicking in and I have to stop here. I have the urge to post provocative pictures AND THATS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Caps. It's the pills talking. I better leave before anything gets serious. I don't want any of you becoming my number one fan. Then you rape me when we meet up. That would hurt. Besides, Aaron Carter is my number one fan. I have all his CD's!



Also, Saabi is a monkey.
I now have aids.
We're having monkey babies.
One's a girl.
Two are boys.
fourteen are mutant monkeyhumans.
They're very adorable.
In a mutant monkeyhuman kind of way.
I'm also not in Italy, F that place.

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